The Highs

 1. Owen is on VARSITY

My determined, dedicated, and hardworking athlete is on varsity as a freshman.  This past weekend was the first official high school wrestle off for the twins and Owen came out on top.  He knew that 106 was his best bet and he set the goal and started the grind.  It was nerve racking and then extremely exciting.  I had so much fun watching his goal become reality.  Take that back.... I struggled, STRUGGLED, with the weight loss aspect.  I leaned into Jenny Culp (another mom) and stayed on top of his health.  Now that the major cut is over, he has been doing AMAZING keeping his weight.  Wrestling is a crazy ass sport.  I could not be prouder of his hard work. 

2. Week off

I have the entire Monday - Friday off this week.  Usually, I pick up work but since the Cancer Center didn't need me, I decided to just be off.  Today I will get officially caught up on laundry and will try to finish most of Christmas...if not all of Christmas.  We finally have all of our lodging booked for Germany & Prague, but I still want to look at train schedules and things to do besides eat and drink our way through Christmas markets. Ehhhh.... that actually sounds great...

3. The girls

On Friday I went to Amy's house with Laura to just spend time together.  I brought stuff to make Christmas snowflakes and Amy pulled out her laminator.  That means I literally brought over my personal task and asked if they would help.  It turned into the perfect morning of just BEING.  On Monday the three of us went to Shelby's.  We helped fold laundry, Amy gave her bags of girl clothes, and Laura and I continued to work on snowflakes.  I am so grateful for their friendship.  And that they put up with my crazy.

4.  HSE Skyward

I am not sure if it should be a love or a hate relationship with Skyward.  It fully allows me to be a helicopter parent with grades....and it fully allows me to be a helicopter parent with grades.  How did our parents know if we did our assignments?  How did they know if we were doing absolutely nothing.  My only guess is....I did my assignments, so it wasn't an issue.  I am still grateful that I have a heads up and try TRY my best to figure this out without being a helicopter parent.  It's not working but I am super grateful for this crutch.

5.  New Eye Mask

I believe that gift giving is my mother in law's love language.  Every year she spoils us for Christmas, bdays, mother's day....everything.  Since Mike already received one, huge present, I decided to open my presents and use them as they come.  Right now, my new eye mask is my favorite.  I have used an eye mask religiously for years.  Even in a completely dark room.  This one is a bit weighted, silky, and fabulous.  I still look like an old, swollen, wrinkly lady when I wake up.  I am obsessed with sleep and since I will not be pulling the trigger on a $2000 cooling system, this eye mask is the next best thing!

Pots

 1. Halloween

Another year of Halloween success.  I love the tradition of hanging out with the Redmans.  The littles went off by themselves and at the end of the night Cameron and his friends showed up for dinner.  It is easy and fun.  We sit outside by the fire while people trick or treat.  

2. Wrestling Tournament 

Early last week I found out there was a tournament in Ohio on Sunday and I was NOT WORKING.  I had Greg sign Owen up, I got Jack to agree on attending, and we traveled to Cincy.  It was a 12-hour day with lots and LOTS of waiting -- but also lots of yatzee.  Jack and I played a ton of games, Owen wrestled great, and I was able to spend time just being together.  

Today is the first official day of high school wrestling plus no CIA tonight.

Also -- here is what I packed for the day. 

3 peanut butter, honey, and chocolate chip sandwiches, 2 PB&J sandwiches, popcorn, 4 drinks, 1 protein coffee, 5 peaches, 3 electrolyte packets, 3 protein bars, 3 fruit snacks, 1 cinnamon bar, 2 bananas, 1 chickpea/quinoa salad, and Halloween candy

But while there I also bought 1 pretzel with cheese, bag of skittles, and chipotle on the way home.  

No - we didn't eat all of this food.  Greg brought his own food as well that I saw Owen eating.  

3. Owen's Hair

I didn't have to pay $90 or $50 (both quotes I received) to bleach Owen's hair.  We did it at home.  It didn't turn out fully miserable.  

4. Driver's Ed

The twins are officially signed up for Driver's Ed.  Cameron has completed 10% of the course.  Owen hasn't signed in.  

5. Harry Potter

Quickly back to Halloween - Jack's new costume, Jack Skeleton, was not comfortable on him.  So, at the very last minute we switched to Harry Potter.  Jack had the robe and wand from Universal this summer.  He refused the glasses or a lighting streak.  So thankful it wasn't a meltdown and was resolved quickly.  Also, we might be able to regift the costume to Grace.  Fingers crossed!

Partners

 1. 4 days of work - OVER

My set schedule for work is 4 days on, 10 days off.  I love it.  This week I switched a coworker which took my fourth day and moved it to Friday.  I ended up picking up Tuesday on a different unit.  HOLY. HELL.  It was an insane day. I left an absolute mess for the night shift nurse.  I felt so bad.  I know it's a 24-hour hospital....but still... it was a lot.  I was so grateful to walk out of the door (even 30 minutes late).  I am also grateful I work oncology and usually my days are fabulous.

2. Partnership

I am so grateful for Mike and our partnership.  The schedules we carry are never regular and constantly changing.  The boys are going a million different ways and we have to constantly check in to divide and conquer.  It's tough.  It's not rare to be busy in this season of our life, but it's still tough.  Today I am signing the boys up for driver's ed and then will have additional tasks on the plate.  

**This picture was taken right before getting into Bernadette's car and heading to Tahoe for Trail**

3. Sara

About a month ago I had one of the absolute most memorable experiences of my life.  I was allowed to be in the delivery of Cassidy.  I was the only family allowed in the room.  It was unbelievable.  I saw Sara be an absolute badass.  I am so grateful and honored for this gift.  I wish I could shout it from the rooftops.  Since that day I have been able to hang out with these two multiple times.  It has been such a soul lifting experience.  

4. Friendship

All of the boys have great friendships right now and it has been so much fun getting to know their friends.  This evening the twins are having friends over to celebrate Halloween and then Mike and I are taking Jack to the Redman's.  I wish I could be at both places at once. 

5. Shelby

On the early morning of May 17, 2014, I called Shelby to ask for help.  She was the person who I knew would pick up the phone, immediately get out of bed, and drive over to help.  She went straight to Erin's house to watch the littles so my dad could be at the hospital with the rest of our family.  That is who she is.  That is the type of friend.  The type of person.  

In the picture below, she is at homecoming pictures with me.  

She is in my life for the highs and the lowest of lows.  So grateful for her and our friendship. 

Habits

1. Starting Again

I am going to try and make this a habit...again.  When the boys turned 15 a few days ago I started to get a bit teary eyed looking at old pictures.  I don't remember much - AT ALL - from that time period in my life.  I am so grateful that I wrote this diary that shared our day-to-day craziness.  And today, I am grateful that I can start again.  That I can just pick back up and write down the things that later I will absolutely forget.... or look at with rose colored glasses.  

This picture is of the twins at Big Apple on their birthday morning.  A TON of kids were there before school.

2. TRAIL is finished

I am finally (WEEKS LATER) able to look back with fondness on my TRAIL experience.  It was one for the books.  The books that are titled.... HOLY FUCK.  What are you doing to your body. 

3. Part Time work    

A few months ago I had enough with Sage Homes and New Bath Today.  It was a Thursday evening and I went to work on Friday and asked to work part-time.  I wanted to hold the insurance and didn't want to depend on that business.  A job was immediately created for me, and I was giving Sara my schedule before 3pm that day.  So grateful to have the opportunity and ease to step right back into work.

4. Wrestling season officially starts in less than 2 weeks

You would think I would be nervous for more wrestling...but in our house it will actually be less!  The boys currently have a crazy schedule with CIA and LOG (wrestling clubs)

Monday: Open gym at school until 5pm, CIA from 6-730

Tuesday: LOG 7-830

Wednesday: CIA 6-730

Thursday: Open gym until 5pm. Then Cameron has LOG 7-830 and Owen does private 630-730

Sunday: CIA 430 - 6

Since High Schoolers are not able to wrestle kids from other schools during season then they won't be going to CIA.  I am not sure what will be happening to LOG but pretty pumped that we don't have to drive to Warren 3x a week.

6. Kroger has pumpkins

The twins just got home from school, and we are headed to Kroger to grab pumpkins before they start to hang out with their friends.  Jack is going to Xever's house for a sleep over. Owen is having Clara, Jayden, and Max over.  Cameron is meeting up with Henry and Deegan to skate and then spending the night here.  

 

THE HOUSE

**I have started and stopped this post more than once.  It's been a tough one.**

1. 6127 

I am so grateful for the 30 years that our family called this place HOME.  The memories of laughter,  family dinners, Saturday morning chores with music and learning to play Nintendo (since my sister passed her multiplication tables) are etched into  my mind.  It's literally like the walls would talk when I was in there these past few months.  

My heart literally felt torn apart as I drove away for my last time Wednesday morning.  It was harder than I ever imagined.  These four walls brought me moments of peace and comfort for years and years.  Even after Erin passed away five years ago, I would be able to come home and breathe a little bit easier as I shared the grief with my parents.  The past few months I have spent so many hours there going through memories and though I am filled past the brim with grief - I am also filled with gratitude.  My parents built a life of safety, love, and happiness.  They worked insanely hard.  They taught us sacrifice and the ability to have fun with a deck of cards.  

These past few years I have learned over and over that THINGS are THINGS.  They don't matter.  Not at all.  It has been harder than I realized to say goodbye to 6127.  I have continued to remind myself that the house is just four walls.  Quickly I realized that I am not saying goodbye to the house.  I am saying goodbye to the feeling of safety, unconditional love, warmth, happiness, and security that it provided. And once I realized that - it was game over.  

Thankfully, Rouzer and I work to build those same memories with our family.  Having our house be filled with chatter, laughter, and togetherness. A place that we feel easy, happy and safe.

Ahh - I can't put into words what my heart is feeling.  It's still broken.  The thing I know for certain....I am so grateful for 6127.

2. CDs

One of the last things I pulled from my parent's house on Wednesday was a CD case that was in my dad's car.  Strange thing to be left behind with almost the entire house empty but it was perfect timing.  I popped in a CD on my way to the closing and immediately felt comforted - not sad - by the music that filled the tiny spaces of my life growing up. 

This morning, a few days later, one of the best songs started playing.  It instantly reminded me of his silliness.  I can picture him singing along with a HUGE smirk on his face.  I ended up listening to it twice.  I added the YouTube video for your enjoyment

 https://youtu.be/4yFTOvO0utY

3. Pam comes through again

On Wednesday night we went to Blind Owl for a quick bite to eat.  It was a rough day - one that my eyes were already burning from all of the tears.  Right before our food came, Jack started puking.  SBJ is a freaking beast.  He went straight to the bathroom when he thought he was going to be sick.  More than once.  Quickly we realized he needed to leave.  Blind Owl is insanely close to my parents house so it was a little jab to realize that we didn't have them there to help.  Instead of dwelling I text Pam and Bruce.  Mike was able to take Jack home and Pam came to Blind Owl as we finished eating and brought us home.  (Yes, I know we are spoiled and insanely loved).  But it gets better.  Mike confirmed before he left that I had money but when it came to pay - I didn't have my card!  Pam had to pay for our dinner AND drive us home.  PLUS she loved hard on my boys.  It was like a little wink from my mom in heaven.   

4. Dinner with Holli and Andy

On Tuesday night Mike and Andy set up a surprise dinner at Ocean Prime.  It was not only amazing food but also so great to sit and catch up with Holli.  

5.  The retired life

I am starting to get antsy and ready to work again.  I miss having coworkers and structure.  My life goes so much better when my mind stays busy and I have a solid routine.  Yes, I absolutely know what you are thinking.  That is completely possible when you stay at home.  AND I do love LOVE LOVE going out to lunch with people almost every day.  But, yeah, I am ready to get back in the swing of things.  

He'll do anything to not have to read 30 minutes of Spanish for homework.

I started organizing and cleaning my garage.  SO needed and overdue.

Dinner on Tuesday.

summary

1.  Mike's ALIVE

Yesterday Rouzer headed to the cabin to have some solid hunting time.  This morning he decided to change it up and was planning to hunt at Brandon and Danie's house.  Instead a neighbor and the neighbor's dog started chasing him AND shooting at him.  WT actual FUCK.  When I talked to him on the phone I told him I would support whatever he wanted to do for the rest of the day.  Within a few short minutes I realized that I needed to ASK for the things that I needed or wanted.  So I suggested we hang out today and hit up a movie.  He agreed and is on his way home.  Thank God.  

2. Date Day
Last Friday Mike had a last minute day off of work so we decided to have a date morning.  We went to yoga, lunch and then still needed to kill sometime so we ended at Cold Stone.  Once we were home we took a long ass nap.  It was heavenly.  I loved spending extra time with him.  My days get pretty lonely so it was nice to have him around.  Thankfully, Mike and I actually LIKE each other (most days) so we chat and laugh and just enjoy our time.

3. Quick play date
On Saturday morning I realized that Azariah lives right next door and would love to play.  I was correct.  He came over for a quick 30 minutes before soccer.  Jack was in heaven.

** Yes, the boys are now sleeping on mattresses on the floor.  I am that ghetto.

At the grocery store between Owen's games.  He slept through the entire trip.  I call that a win.

It looks beautiful out but it was actually insanely COLD.

 4. Cameron's passion
I love that Cameron has found something that he loves that is not a video game.  He has been teaching himself to draw.  I think my favorite part is observing his pride for his work. 

5. My silliest friend

Jack has had GREAT behavior lately.  He also has been absolutely hilarious.  He is constantly at my hip but his smiles, giggles and jokes make the day go by a bit easier.  

Retired Life

1. My grandma

Being retired is great because I am able to make quick trips to see my grandma.  I instantly feel happy when I see her.  We drank martinis, had a fabulous dinner out and I felt rested and rejuvenated when I got home.  She laughs at my jokes, tells me how I am wonderful and loved LOVED my parents.  She is easy to be around and I am so lucky that I have her.

2. Dube
Whrile I was visiting my grandma Dr. Dube called me.  I am not sure if I have written this out before so if this is old news - sorry for your luck. In my last role at CHVH I was SUPER lucky because I worked with a ton of leaders. I was directly a diad with 3 medical directors PLUS I had four other medical directors on my staff.  During my time there Dr. Dube became the head of cardiology and to top things off, I worked at the hub.  That means I was closely linked with VPs and directors.  I worked hard BUT I also was with an insanely great team.  When he called, he wanted to send condolences about my parents but he also told me not to get another job.  He told me to wait until the GPD position opened (which would be at the end of November).  Ahhhhhhh - it made me smile from ear to ear.  The best part was that I was at my grandma's house.  I was able to explain all of the details and hierarchies.  I would of loved to share this call with JoJo but she was the next best person.  Even if I don't get that position, I still felt honored that he thought of me. Oh and grateful Sarah started my comeback campaign. 

3.  The Floor
Do you see that?  It's the floor.  Insert the cartwheels here.  It has taken weeks to get this floor to reappear.  Yes, there is still stuff in the corner but last week Rick told me to save every sheet of paper.  I have already thrown away SO MUCH STUFF.  I also have some plates to send out and get rid of and wind chimes to hang.  But besides that - it's clear.  The room looks so freaking empty now.

4. Coffee

For months Cameron has asked for coffee.  Obviously that isn't going to happen but a few weeks ago I finally bought him some instant decaf packets.  Now, every morning, he makes himself instant decaf coffee.  He has learned to use the teapot, stove and how much cream he likes.  He holds it between his hands while waiting for the bus.  I am not sure why, but watching him warms my soul. 

5. Velveeta Shells and Cheese
If you don't like Velveeta shells and cheese there is something seriously wrong with you.  Oh my gosh -- so good.  The first time I introduced them to Jack he turned up his nose.  I tried again this summer and he is on board.  We both could eat these EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  I bet it's what is on the menu tonight.