Small. Yet powerful

Small victories for mom. 

Let me warn you.  This is about to get real.  I owe that to Amy.  Not only does she keep me honest, she reminds me to be true to myself.  And live my truth.  In complete honesty, I write this blog for myself and if in case something happens to me...my boys can look back and see how we lived our lives during this time.  I know from my profession...and from basic life experience...life is short.  Too short.  I frequently find myself being careful of what I write to not hurt feelings or seem too insane.  I am going to post a bit more freely.  I know few people read this blog.  So yes...it is about to get real.

This week week has been a tough week.  I think that it is easily the toughest one that my 30 year old soul as experienced.  I know that it is odd to say since I have been through a divorce (extremly difficult) and my children being in the NICU, and myself just going through ups and downs.  This has taken the cake.  Sorry...for those of you who don't know the details.....I am not going to discuss.  But this is a time that I will never forget.  It has hard to be a mom right now.  It has been impossible to be a friend.  And it is basically just a task at times to breath.  Yes...I know I will continue to move forward.  To heal.  To live.  To enjoy life. 

But Cameron and Owen.....sometimes life is HARD.  Very hard.  We are a lucky bunch to have our health, our family, great friends, and good a life.  Sometimes we are dealt a strange hand.  And for the three of us...now is one of those times.

So to my point....I had a small victory today.  This afternoon I was in a valley.  It was not a good one for my spirit.  But around 630 the boys got into the bathtub and I felt like a good mom again.  ...to give you a bit of background.  I was at work all morning.  Cameron has strep throat...or something....  I slept like ass.  And it is HOT out.  For dinner they had one hot dog and are at this time eating snacks.  

The boys FINALLY took a bath  (it has been longer than I can remember...like weeks....)  and they played with bubbles, shaving cream, blocks, and even cleaned my feet!  I actually felt like I was doing something right.  I was a good mom. 

Small victory for me. 

Now they are watching The Wizard of Oz.  (Yes....they chose this movie and LOVE it...blame grandpa) I have coffee made for the morning and know that sleep heals.  We are going to Valpo tomorrow with my mom and hopefully just more days of many more victories.

I am a real human.  I hurt.  I suck as a mom...many times...and I am good at times too.  Today I was both.  Regardless.....bathtime made me happy.  It made me stop crying.  It made me enjoy the laughter.  The giggles.  Don't get me wrong....I do enjoy the boys every single day.  But sometimes being "me" gets in the way of what is going on at our house.

I don't know what will happen to our lives in three months and where we will be...but I know that we will be a team.  "Team Awesome."

The boys both about to catch a football.  Should I be working on this more?

Yes....M&Ms in one hand and watermelon in another...just like mom!

So grateful for my friends

He just kept playing on the potty this morning.  Cameron was already outside.  I told Owen, "just go outside and pee." as I walked to the sink.  I turned around and this was taking place.  LOVE him.  And ....he never went that morning in the potty.

But another admission.  He is ready.  SOOOOO ready to be potty trained.  Mom is not.  Though at this point it would probably be pretty easy.  He is so so ready!

Old time post

1. The first trip to the dentist is DONE.

Owen went first.  He did great.  He looked terrified but sat through the entire thing.  She even flossed his teeth.  While he was in the chair Cameron kept saying to me, "I can't do that mommy.  I not do that."  So when it came time to Cameron's turn....he was not a happy camper.  I sat and held him in my lap as he screamed during the entire cleaning.  When we saw the dentist...the same thing happened.  That is over.  Now for Cameron's trip to the eye doctor tomorrow.....

2. My garden
I love my garden boxes, my garden, and now vegetables are even starting to grow.  I guess I was a bit eager this year and planted my spaghetti squash 6" apart instead of the suggested 48"  (I would of only been able to plant one)  My oh my....I don't think any will grow.

3. Touch a truck
On Friday my mom and I took the boys to an event in Broad Ripple called, "Touch a Truck." The boys were able to climb in and out of trucks, buses, limos....the works.  It was a great event and a great morning.  Glad we were able to spend the time with grandma!

4. My kids are still alive
Right now the boys are EXHAUSTED.  They are also refusing to sleep.  We all getting a bit frustrated with the situation.  So for those of you moms out there....and dads too....maybe you can relate to the times that you are glad that you can just sit in the other room.  And not kill anyone.

5. Lifetime POOL
This is a place we have been spending a lot of time...and hope to even get there after naps (if they ever happen).  The boys are able to walk in and we can play for hours!  Every hour there is a 10 minute break.  We sit, eat snacks, and then back in the pool.  

Google. Thank you

Holy moly.  I had a hell of a time getting these pictures to my computer.  For some reason my phone will not connect to my computer.  I have tried three different wires.  I have tried two different sync programs....

I might have just put all of my personal information out on the web for all to see AND have every single picture I take automatically upload.  Ha.  So....this could be bad.  Guess I need to investigate either a new cord...or an actual camera.

Regardless...here are some pictures.  In random order. And today I am actually going to share a few quick stories that make me smile.

**We went to the pool last week and there was a couple laying out.  There were actually a lot of people laying out but for one reason or another Cameron fixated on a specific couple.  He looked at them and said, "Mommy, they night night?" And just kept staring.  It caught Owen's attention too and they just stared in amazement at these two adults sleeping at the pool.  Then they proceeded to act like they were sleeping too.  About 30 minutes later the wife got up and started walking in the pool and Cameron was thrilled.  He kept saying, "Mommy, she's awake. Mommy, she's awake."  This routine went on the entire three hours that we played that day.

**The boys just start singing the ABC's on their own.

**Cameron fell asleep in timeout.  He continued to get out of bed during nap time so I just kept putting him into timeout.  After an hour of the back and forth he finally propped himself up against the wall and slept.

**I am learning A LOT at work.  I am transitioning into my new role and I am learning, growing, and enjoying my job more and more.

(They watched a good portion of the movie and ate popcorn!!)

**I asked Cameron if he wanted to try and pee in the potty.  Surprisingly..he said yes.  He was on the potty for about 30 seconds when he stood up and said, "What is that?" While pointing into the potty.  I walked over and he had a tiny piece of poop come out.  Owen heard the commotion and decided to come over and investigate.  Needless to say, he ended up completely pooping in his diaper 5 minutes later!

**My boys are pretty amazing.  I have been working more so when I am home for some reason I cherish the little moments of uncontrolled laughter that we share.  For example, this afternoon I was calling the eye doctor for Cameron.  They asked, "Mommy what are you doing?" I said that was on hold with the eye doctor.  I laid on the floor and put the phone on my stomach on speaker phone.  Then Cameron laid down next to me and started playing with a ball.  Owen decided to do the same.  So the three of us were laying side by side on the toy room floor playing and laughing.  It was nice to sit and enjoy.  Another story...last night when I got home from work the three of us laid in Cameron's bed and tickled, laughed, sang, and told stories of the day.

(Falling asleep in timeout)

A few extra things...I taught the boys "shame shame shame on your name."  This should make my sister smile.  When we were younger and we were trying to get our sibling in trouble, my dad would frequently say, "Go say to them, shame shame shame on your name."  It actually started to make me mad.  I wanted her to get into trouble and instead NOTHING was happening.  I have now taught this to my children.  Usually it instantly makes them both burst out into uncontrollable giggles.  And in their 2 year old life...the issue is quickly forgotten.  I even here them saying it to each other when they are going to sleep at night.  It is pretty funny.

**And last thing I have written down.  A few nights ago I was playing music (like always) but the boys were just playing and not really paying attention.  All of sudden Beastie Boys came on and Cameron stopped what he was doing and started dancing.  It was so stinking cute.