He is loved

1. Overwhelming love for baby Jack
When I think that the gifts have stopped coming...they keep coming.  It is unreal.  This weekend we received two more gifts for Jack and then at work I received two more from my patients.  The love that we receive from the patients is overwhelming.  So today I received another outfit and a homemade blanket.  It is truly an honor to work at the Cancer Center and work with our patients.

2. Christmas decorations are down
On Sunday Mike and I took down the decorations.  He made breakfast and I did most of the packing up and then he finished with the hard labor.  On Monday he had a change in plans so he is out of town again all week and it made me super grateful that we got the decorations down before he left.

3. My UP band
I have not worn my UP band in MONTHS.  Today I charged it and I am excited to wear it tonight.  I can actually see how little sleep I am getting. hahaha.

4. Dr Appt
Tomorrow I have another appointment.  I haven't been feeling too hot so I am excited to see the NP and get checked out.

5. LESS HOT FLASHES
My mom has been having less hot flashes.  And though she is still having them and they are still miserable....the amount has decreased.  It has been a super hard struggle for her and it will continue to be a struggle as she continues BUT things are better today and that is something that I am grateful for.

Christmas

1. Christmas 

We had another great Christmas season.  We went to my parents' house for Christmas Eve and then did our hot chocolate and bedtime routine at home.  The boys were up at 6:15 and we did presents and played all day.  We had a Lego building party and the four of us sat at the huge round table and worked.  Owen asked for a $150, 2000 piece set this year so that will take up HOURS of our time.  I am sure that we will be working at that project a lot more today.  

Last night we went to Kara & John's house.  It was low key and easy.  

 We leave hot chocolate for Santa.  Don't ask questions....no one else does.

2. A good night of sleep

I don't think that I am going to enjoy a good night of sleep for a LONG time.  I get up every few hours to go to the bathroom and I am generally uncomfortable.  I do know what a good night of sleep feels like and I am grateful that I experienced it at one point in my life and I plan on doing it again in the future.

3. Cameron is asleep

Cameron is STILL sick with pneumonia and an ear infection.  He usually just plows through the day but we are officially out  of Tylenol and ibuprofen.  ...wait...he's up....  but STILL....he slept until 752.  He got up crying again in the middle of the night with a fever and general unease.  I hope that he shakes this soon and glad that Kara wrote more prescriptions yesterday and checked him again last night.  It wouldn't be a winter without Cameron being sick.

...wait...he just got up to pee and then went back to bed.  Owen and I are in the living room so I heard the whole thing.  I wonder if he will actually fall back asleep.  He needs the sleep FOR SURE.

4. Gift Cards

We received a lot of great gifts this year but one of them includes hundreds of dollars in gift cards to different restaurants.  This is something that we asked for because we love going out to eat but I hate spending the money.  Excited to use these in the future especially when JackJack arrives I will be getting take out a lot.

5. Shaking up the collection

I organized Mike's rock collection for Christmas.  ...Long story.... but anyways, while handing it to him I accidentally tipped it and all the rocks mixed up.  I almost started crying.  He was a nice as ever and didn't make me feel bad.  But holy....complete fail. 

Monday Night

1. No awards

I am not winning mom of the year this year and good thing we are all not ranked somewhere because it would not be pleasant at all.  I think that it is pretty safe to say that since May we have been surviving.  We pick each other up when needed, we count down hours until bed time and we just try to make it to the next day.  We have made sure to give lots of cuddles and love and we have made sure to not let the house spiral out of control.  I am completely against living my life this way....in survival mode...but right now I can't seem to get on top of it.  Anyways, I am not winning any awards this year.  I didn't even come close to accomplishing my New Years resolutions.  I am also not the person who says, "next year will be better."  I believe we are in charge of the "better" but sometimes just surviving (when things are out of your control) is enough.  I don't know why I just went on that tangent.  hahaha.... maybe it is because we got home this evening and I gave the boys left over pizza and let them watch netflix.  I didn't even think twice.  I didn't argue or try to suggest something else.  I just gave in -- so I could survive the night.  And I guess I have to write it all out to myself so that I know that it is ok.  AND it is just one night.  HOLY MOLY.  Good thing no one reads this blog.

I am insanely obsessed with not going into preterm labor so yesterday afternoon I put myself on a short, 45 min, mandatory bed rest.  Owen sat next to me while Cameron colored in the other room.  I did have Cameron fill up my water and gave him a point for his point card.  

I wanted to add this picture because I love it.  Cameron was making super hero gingerbread men this weekend and he put spider man in his chair and hulk in Owen's chair.  Their two favorite characters. Oh, and notice my side kick sleeping on the ground in front of me.   I will say that the TV is on in this picture because I was trying to actually watch a movie on netflix.  I got maybe 15 minutes in on my own movie.  Pretty impressive if I do say so myself.

2. We left the house
We have been stuck inside for DAYS which feels like YEARS.  As you can tell in all of these pictures the last few days we stayed in pajamas (though they did change a few times).

"Science"  It is hard to find science projects around this house.  But this one worked and they LOVED it.  Killed a few extra minutes.

3. Brothers
Grateful that these boys have each other.  I wanted them to take this because Sunday evening we made a quick trip to the Harris house and we just stayed in our pajamas for the trip.  Cameron took a small fall right before the picture so he was still crying but I think that this picture is great.

4. Mike is coming home

Holy -- so excited for tomorrow.  Mike will be heading home.  He plans on stopping by East to say a quick hello and I am pretty excited to see his sweet face.  We thought that he would have to go back on Sunday so home for 4 days.....BUT he doesn't go back until the 4th.  YAY!!!!  

5. Christmas

I am excited for Christmas this year.  It has been a rough rough rough holiday season without Erin but I am blessed to have the magic of 5 year old boys to be with every day.  Honestly, it is pretty awesome.  

What is a sick day?

1. Kara

I have been stuck inside for a few days and with insanely sick kids the thought of packing everyone up in the cold to go to the doctor sounds even more miserable.  On Friday morning Kara and Olivia stopped by for a house call before their mommy/daughter date.  Cameron was diagnosed with pneumonia in both lungs and double ear infection.  Owen was diagnosed with an ear infection and a guess of the flu but since we can't do the swabs in my living room...it was just an educated guess since he had all the symptoms.  She called in scripts, we quickly caught up, and they were on their way.  Holy moly it was awesome.  Grateful.

2. My dad
After Kara left I called my parents to see how the trial went.  The bus driver who hit Erin had his trial Friday morning.  I was not planning on going since I knew that it would set me back farther and not be healing but I still wanted to see how it all went for everyone else.

Anyways, my dad offered to pick up the prescriptions that afternoon and we were set.  He also watched the boys a few hours yesterday so I could get out of this house and so I could rest for an hour!!!  These few events have helped save my sanity!!

 **I was channeling my husband in my morning coffee yesterday.  It worked.  I tackled the day and got lots done.

4. My mom
It has been a rough year for this lady to say the least.  Yesterday she got me out of the house and we went to Harry and Izzys for lunch.  It was soooooooo yummy and so nice to catch up.  We see each other a lot and talk a few times a week but it was such a great few hours.


5. My boys
They keep me on my toes.  Holy moly.  They are sick and they have no interest in watching TV or taking it easy.  I could give Owen the iPad for days but it's such a rare occasion for me that he has figured out not to even ask. (Though yes...I do give in when I need to survive)

 Yesterday they played, and played, and played, and did not stop.  We finally had a night of sleep last night and we are up and at it again.  They also played great together which was super nice.  It made me think that someone was saying prayers for a smooth evening...and the prayers worked.  Jack as also been doing well (I think).  I didn't have many contractions yesterday and I had a pretty good night of sleep.  I got up every few hours but that is the new normal.

 If you look closely in this picture he made a Santa gingerbread with reindeer gingerbread all in a line.

 Cameron made his own elf this week and he put it on the mantle upside down.  The next morning our elf showed up right next to him.  The boys LOVE elf right now.  And this morning Cameron is taking his colored elf (who he named Cameron) and hiding him around the house.

Such a sweet picture....with so many superheros involved. 

Strange Post

It has been a week.  Mike has been in Cleveland and won't be back until Christmas eve.  I have tried to just keep on keeping on and it has been working so far.  REALLY looking forward to him coming home.   

Right now the kids are both sick.  Cameron actually stayed home from school.  I am going to try to send both kids to school tomorrow so hopefully they magically get better over night.  I have the humidifier going AND the air purifier.   I am sure they are canceling each other out but a mom can hope.

Trying to stay hydrated...this is my collection of beverages on my 3 hour trip to get the boys last weekend.  I didn't have the juice box but still...4 drinks is a bit excessive

Looking at Christmas lights.  We were not watching a movie in the car but Owen had the headphones on the entire trip.  They loved looking at the lights but this was also the night they started to get sick.  And on a side note...the DVD player is pretty awesome.

One morning this week Cameron decided to throw on a costume while we were getting ready.  Typical.

Always by my side and ALWAYS shedding.  

I received this gem in the mail yesterday from my mother in law.  She wanted to make sure that I had a computer since Mike took the family computer to Cleveland.  Soooooo grateful.

This is Cameron working on the teacher gifts last night.  They were delivered this morning just incase the boys end up staying home from school tomorrow.

Cameron and I picked this up at BuyBuyBaby today.  I think that he was shocked that I even agreed that we could get candy.  **We had to buy a new thermometer....though he wanted to continue shopping at more stores***

Today my parents watched the boys while I went to the dentist and this morning they watched Cameron while I went to a doctor visit.  GRATEFUL.  Anyways, here is a picture of them watching the iPad while I figure out dinner.  Cameron was organizing his gifts under the tree.  ALL day he wanted to buy a gift for Owen.  His love for giving during this season has been awesome.  I am impressed with this little man on a daily basis.

1. FaceTime

I have been missing Mike and sitting down and doing FaceTime with him this evening has really helped calm my soul.  

2. Card from a recipient 

This week I received a card from one of the kidney recipients.  I was extremely apprehensive about opening it but it actually made me very happy and gave me some peace.

3. $1.93

That is how much I paid for a gallon of gas today.  Yay to cheap gas and Kroger fuel points.

4. Feb 4th

Hopefully that will be Jack's birthday.  At least we know it won't be any later than that!

5. Starbucks

Though I am more awake right now than I should be for this time of night I am grateful that I treated myself to a Starbucks this evening.  I was really dragging today after a long night last night with a coughing 5 year old.  I used a gift card...but still...it was a wonderful treat.  

Mike

In honor of our year anniversary I wanted to write about my husband, Mike.  He claims that he does not get enough shout outs on my blog so today is just about him.

1. His persistence, determination, and beast mode

I met Mike at work during a meeting on January 16th.  I had just moved to day shift as a supervisor a few weeks early and I was still trying to get my grove. I got a new office, started attending a million meeting and learning new responsibilities.  So Mike--he was in one of those meetings.  Eventually he started coming to my noon meeting as well but I think that was only so we could hang out for a few short minutes during our day.  

I was working on a relationship (or so I thought) and I had no interest in Mike in any capacity besides being my best friend at work.  He was 25 with no kids.  We lived to completely different lifestyles, and as I mentioned…I was in a relationship.  

Over the next few months Mike continued to ask me to hang out outside of work.  I continued to back out of plans and even wrote some late night texts clarifying our friendship status.  Looking back now I am not 100% sure of what made me change my mind and hang out with Mike for his birthday.  I can't think of one single thing that made me close the door on one thing and open it on the other.  Even though I planned on going out that Friday night I still had NO INTENTION of dating this man.  None.  My heart was still in the past.  If I am being honest, I think that I was just running away as fast as I could from a broken and shattered heart.  And holy moly Mike did not let me get around him.

We hung out every almost every day since that Friday night.  We were already such good friends and things worked.  They were easy and fun.  We talked and talked and talked.  We enjoyed life and enjoyed each other.  We joke now that since I said, "no" and that, "it's not possible" so many times I sparked some type of challenge in him.  Regardless, here we are…almost not even two years later expecting a baby.  It has been a wild, wonderful ride.  Grateful that he didn't give up on me.  That he just kept on being his normal, silly self and I couldn't help but fall in love.  

2. Our adventures
We both love to travel.  I am grateful for our many adventures together and I can't wait for the countless more experiences that we will have with just the two of us and as a family.  When we were planning our wedding we traveled around the world in our heads.  Once Vegas came up we never really changed our minds.  It was a perfect week.  We ate the best food, saw amazing shows, and stayed in huge rooms.  This past year our travel list was changed up a bit by tragedy.  We canceled Lake Tahoe and never took a fall trip to Florida.  We still had a blast in Greece and Italy though I only enjoyed a few sips of wine while staying in Tuscany since Jack was growing in my belly.  This coming year we don't have much planned yet but knowing us, that will quickly change.

3. He is a family man
Mike's commitment and love for the boys and our immediate family makes me fall in love with him over and over every morning.  I can't wait to have Jack here with us to watch as Mike changes again into the role of father for a sweet, little baby.  I can't imagine how our hearts can be anymore full than they already are.  Cameron and Owen love Mike and when he is gone for the night or at a rare late meeting for dinner he is greatly missed.

Not only do I love Mike, but I love the family that he came with.  I told myself that I would never, every get into a relationship and deal with a crazy, in-law family.  My short life is just not worth the added drama. I still feel that way and though it might be seen as selfish at times I just have boundaries for my soul.  ….anyways….there are no issues here.  They all support us, love the boys, and have welcomed me with open arms.  So grateful to have them in our lives.

4. His support

Mike is my never ending encourager.  This is one of the things that made me fall in love with him.  He listens to my dreams and helps me to accomplish them.  

After my moms heart breaking cancer diagnosis and then two weeks later Erin's accident, his support turned from dream making to helping me stand up.  I can't imagine how challenging this year has been for him.  It has made our little family of four closer and the two of us closer.  A year like this reminds you in a harsh way that life is fleeting.  I have slowed down, enjoyed more cuddles and not made so many game plans for the future.  He has silently and strongly helped hold my hand and made sure to carry me to the next day if I can't seem to find my way.  Grateful for his silent strength, full heart and never ending support.

5.  Our future

We had whirlwind love story in the beginning.  We started dating in March, in August we were engaged and we married in December.  I would be lying to say I was not nervous.  I had been married and divorced and the previous year my relationship took me over an edge.  I questioned if I was moving too quickly or if I was still just trying to forget the heartbreak in my past.  I don't know when I stopped being nervous about the speed and realized that this was right.  That this was how our story was meant to be.  I have never questioned the speed of our story since.  I feel truly honored and blessed to be Mike's wife.  I feel that my heart is safe and that we will conquer this life together.  I am excited to see where the next year takes us.   

 Our first anniversary dinner at Brugge Brasserie last night.

Santa

1. Contractions stopped

…after a large triage bill… Yesterday afternoon I wasn't feeling well so we came home and I immediately took a nap.  Around 445 I started having contractions.  There were coming every 5-8 minutes and it started to get pretty scary.  I started chugging a gallon of water, took a bath, laid on my left side….nothing was helping.  At 545 we decided to call.  This was the mistake.  The Dr told me to wait another hour after all the water.  I didn't.  To be honest I was sort of scared at this point since there was no change in the hour.  I called, and we went in.  After I hung up the phone, I finished my last contraction for the night.  We went to triage still and decided to be monitored just to give Mike a peace of mind and I started to feel SO. MUCH. BETTER.  I peed every 5 minutes but no more contractions and no more pain. This is a picture I snapped of my worried husband has he was timing my contractions.

2. We have a home
Every time I take a picture in the boys room I immediately get embarrassed and grossed out.  I need to buy them some beds.  Period.  But completely grateful that we actually have a home, they have somewhere to sleep and their room is warm and safe.

I took this picture because Cameron started sleeping on the floor with his sleeping bag recently.  My cozy three boys…(you can spy Nash in the picture too)

3. Shower at work
There are three of us who are pregnant at work right now.  Dianne works on a different floor so though we see here every day we don't hear her daily struggles.  Shelby and I on the other hand work closely together so it is nice to have a friend go through this with you every day.

Anyways, they had a huge shower at work.  It was overwhelming and generous.  It has been so important to me to sit down and celebrate the good this year.  It has been a rough year and then to see the daily struggle for life that our patients have every day can also wear on one's heart.  Thank you for such a great evening.

4.  House is picked up
Mike has picked up the house all week and kept things in place for me.  It is so nice to come home to a clean house and not have to worry.  Now I just need to organize Jack's clothes, finish shopping,  wrapping and I will be all set for him to leave again.

5. Visit to Santa
This year at dinner before we went to see Santa Owen started crying about how he was scared of him.  He didn't cry while we were there…instead he was a champ.  When it became our turn for photos my phone mysteriously died so this $25 snapshot is all I have to prove we met him.  Cameron decided to change things up a bit and ask for something he has never asked for to date.  SOOOOOOOO…..today I will be going out and getting him the Lego Hulk Masher that he has requested.