It is a bit gross

1. Date Night
At the last minute I decided that we needed to go on a date.  After I got home from work Mike and I headed to Bone Fish.  We had a gift card from CHRISTMAS.  It was so nice to order whatever we wanted, spend time talking to EACH OTHER, and spend a few moments reconnecting.  I am so grateful to have this man.  We talked about those first few months and how we went from best friends to husband and wife.  After we got home Owen asked me, "When are you going to pump?" ......



2. I AM NOT PUMPING
I told Owen I was done pumping.  His eyes got really big, he got a huge smile, gave me a big hug and said, "we need to celebrate!!" I gave it my best shot.  Rouzer supported me a million percent (especially bringing me water every time I sat down) and I am so excited to say that I am done.  I am officially done done and I am ready to get all of this pumping stuff out of our home.



3. A quick breast biopsy
......so along the same lines........ This #3 is about to get gross.  Shelby, my female, nurse, mom friend even thinks it is super gross.  So spare yourself and go to #4.  I am sure #4 will be fabulous.  Regardless, I need to write this out.

I have had a lump for a few months.  It was extremely bothersome.  For months I thought it was a clogged duct and/or related to breast feeding.  It never fully went away but at the same time my breasts were constantly changing as I continued to breast feed.

After we came back from OBX I started to wean and last week I completely stopped.  I had a few nights of full breasts but it was easy and a much easier time then 5 years ago with the boys.

Yesterday morning I started to wonder -- when will my boobs go back to normal?  My right breast was back but my left one still had this large mass.  I started asking around at work.  I work in an oncology office so I was hoping that these ladies would help squash my fears.  They didn't.  I soon realized that this was abnormal and I should have the lump checked out immediately.  By 230 I was getting an ultra sound.  The Dr (who is one of the BEST) said that everything looked good, the mass was very large, but he still wanted to get a biopsy.  I started sweating and freaking out.  WHAT???!!!!! I had not even told Mike I was getting an Ultrasound.  I know what a biopsy means AND this mass was LARGE.  LARGE.  excuse my language -- but FUCK.  All I kept thinking about is how Mike told me I needed to get it checked.

So I got the biopsy and instead of a benign tumor (like he anticipated) fluid came out of the incision.  It continued coming out all night and I saturated two dressings.  He decided not to send the biopsy and felt confident that I was ok.

This evening I still have a small lump but anticipate that it is blood/trauma.

Here is what I am grateful for:  On Wednesday morning I did not even think twice about this issue...as the day progressed I started to get worried.  I made one call and I was in an ultra sound within the hour.  All of my coworkers took over my patients and helped support my fears and anxiety.

I am so so SO lucky to work at CRCC.  So lucky.  Today at work I had new consult after new consult.  These people learned a few days ago that they have cancer.  It is an insane profession...... but me ... I was up, getting an ultrasound before I even talked to my husband.  Grateful.



4. The head flip
I have been wanting to document this special memory for awhile.  It is almost out of our lives.

When I feed Jack at night -- after he is finished eating from his bottle he pulls away, flips his head, and buries his head in my arms.  I love his little head flip.



5.  Cameron had a better day at school....maybe
Yesterday morning I noticed that Cameron had the wrong coat on!!! I asked his teacher to see if he accidentally traded with another student.  She couldn't find his coat and then took the coat that he was wearing and put it in lost and found.  Awesome.  Now he has no coat.  On top of that when she was emailing me to update on his coat and told me that he was being bad in school.  We have had a rough 24 hours.  Grateful that this little man keeps me on my toes.  Today he said he had a better day but he seemed unsure.