The Grateful Life: THE HOUSE

**I have started and stopped this post more than once. It's been a tough one.**

1. 6127

I am so grateful for the 30 years that our family called this place HOME. The memories of laughter, family dinners, Saturday morning chores with music and learning to play Nintendo (since my sister passed her multiplication tables) are etched into my mind. It's literally like the walls would talk when I was in there these past few months.

My heart literally felt torn apart as I drove away for my last time Wednesday morning. It was harder than I ever imagined. These four walls brought me moments of peace and comfort for years and years. Even after Erin passed away five years ago, I would be able to come home and breathe a little bit easier as I shared the grief with my parents. The past few months I have spent so many hours there going through memories and though I am filled past the brim with grief - I am also filled with gratitude. My parents built a life of safety, love, and happiness. They worked insanely hard. They taught us sacrifice and the ability to have fun with a deck of cards.

These past few years I have learned over and over that THINGS are THINGS. They don't matter. Not at all. It has been harder than I realized to say goodbye to 6127. I have continued to remind myself that the house is just four walls. Quickly I realized that I am not saying goodbye to the house. I am saying goodbye to the feeling of safety, unconditional love, warmth, happiness, and security that it provided. And once I realized that - it was game over.

Thankfully, Rouzer and I work to build those same memories with our family. Having our house be filled with chatter, laughter, and togetherness. A place that we feel easy, happy and safe.

Ahh - I can't put into words what my heart is feeling. It's still broken. The thing I know for certain....I am so grateful for 6127.

2. CDs

One of the last things I pulled from my parent's house on Wednesday was a CD case that was in my dad's car. Strange thing to be left behind with almost the entire house empty but it was perfect timing. I popped in a CD on my way to the closing and immediately felt comforted - not sad - by the music that filled the tiny spaces of my life growing up.

This morning, a few days later, one of the best songs started playing. It instantly reminded me of his silliness. I can picture him singing along with a HUGE smirk on his face. I ended up listening to it twice. I added the YouTube video for your enjoyment

https://youtu.be/4yFTOvO0utY

3. Pam comes through again

On Wednesday night we went to Blind Owl for a quick bite to eat. It was a rough day - one that my eyes were already burning from all of the tears. Right before our food came, Jack started puking. SBJ is a freaking beast. He went straight to the bathroom when he thought he was going to be sick. More than once. Quickly we realized he needed to leave. Blind Owl is insanely close to my parents house so it was a little jab to realize that we didn't have them there to help. Instead of dwelling I text Pam and Bruce. Mike was able to take Jack home and Pam came to Blind Owl as we finished eating and brought us home. (Yes, I know we are spoiled and insanely loved). But it gets better. Mike confirmed before he left that I had money but when it came to pay - I didn't have my card! Pam had to pay for our dinner AND drive us home. PLUS she loved hard on my boys. It was like a little wink from my mom in heaven.

4. Dinner with Holli and Andy

On Tuesday night Mike and Andy set up a surprise dinner at Ocean Prime. It was not only amazing food but also so great to sit and catch up with Holli.

5. The retired life

I am starting to get antsy and ready to work again. I miss having coworkers and structure. My life goes so much better when my mind stays busy and I have a solid routine. Yes, I absolutely know what you are thinking. That is completely possible when you stay at home. AND I do love LOVE LOVE going out to lunch with people almost every day. But, yeah, I am ready to get back in the swing of things.