I'm in the front

1. The steam room

It has been waaayyyy too long since I have enjoyed the steam room.  To clairfy -- I am referring to a steam room...not sauna.  Since our house is ripped apart and I have no personal bathroom I decided to shower at the gym this morning.  I was able to spend 3 minutes in the steam room before the shower and I was in heaven.  This use to be such a normal part of my routine. I hope I can figure out ways to build it back into my days.

This has nothing to do with anything....just value my honesty.  It's a pretty big deal. 

2. Shelby is my new trainer
Shelby has started giving me the workouts from her gym.  I did one on Monday evening and it KICKED. MY. ASS.  I am going to try these two workouts the next two days.  Just looking at the list makes me tired.

3. Luke is our neighbor and our contractor and our friend.
It is pretty freaking convenient that Luke is our neighbor. Not only that but this man spends 80% of his time outside.  I am able to talk to him every day about the craziness of our old house.  I have lived in this house for almost 9 years and this year we am finally doing some MUCH needed updates.  We have done a few things in the past like updated all the flooring, an update to the hallway bath, new windows, better landscaping -- but this year my sights are on a more big ticket items. It has been hitting the bank account pretty hard but I have been able to pick up a lot of extra hours at work to keep up. And per usual -- Mike works his butt off. My personal plan (though I must note that it is not Mike's plan) is to eventually pay the house off and spend the extra money traveling the world.

Anyways, grateful that Luke is in charge of this project.  I came home on Monday and here is the disaster that I walked in to.  I couldn't imagine living through a kitchen remodel!!!  Yikes!

Yes...one sole frame was left up in the hallway. 

4. Food

I have a clear obsession with food.  I think about food ALL. THE. TIME.  Literally.  

When I am at North I use jabber and ask my coworkers at East what they are having for lunch. Obsessed.  

I am also a FIRM believer in eating healthy food makes you feel better.  **This is why I pack the boys lunch every. single. day. **  Don't get me wrong -- we have a looooonnnggg way to go in the eating healthy category.  A LONG LONG way.  I am just saying it is something that I truly believe.  

That's it.  Obsessed with food.

5.  My coworkers

Goodness -- these ladies put up with me.  AND they usually do it while smiling and laughing.  Unless they talk major shit behind my back -- I think that they are pretty wonderful.  

The last dance. At least for now.

Warning *** LOTS of pictures *** It has been a full few days with lots of documentation.  

1. Ballet Recital

As I walked away from ballet tonight, tears were streaming down my face.  You see, about two years ago Eloise started ballet.  My sister enrolled her in a mommy and me class.  Erin was only able to attend a few times before the accident and after the funeral my mom and I started taking Eloise to ballet.  It was gut wrenching.  It was hard and devastating.  Eloise was 2 and a half.  As time went on -- we made it our routine.  Thoughout chemo, surgeries, babies -- the works --- my mom and I brought Eloise to ballet.  It was not easy.  It was really hard.  It was hard emotionally and extremely taxing on the soul.  I drug my feet while at the same time feeling honor and privilege to be able to share this little part of her life.  Today was my last time with Eloise and ballet for awhile.  Soon Jess and the kids are moving to Denver and I won't have my Tuesday evenings with this crazy girl. 

Erin would of LOVED the show tonight.  Eloise fell during her performance but stood up and kept dancing.  She did absolutely fabulous and I was a proud proud aunt with a huge smile ear to ear.  

I feel so grateful that I could help these past two years and so sad to see something else regarding my sister coming to an end.  

After the recital Eloise and I took a selfie.  She is wearing her new necklace that I gave her and proudly holding her trophy

Volunteering with the little ones during the performance

2.  Camping
It was all very thrown together at the last minute but we finally made it camping!  And by we I mean Mike and the boys.  I drove up separately with Jack so that way he could come home and sleep in his crib.  I did spend the afternoon at the campgrounds playing and enjoying the weather.

The Abels and Gurchieks also came for the night.  All three boys had an absolute blast.  We don't have many pictures because most of the time was spent hiking, fishing and playing.  They got home at noon today and everyone was exhausted.  It was a beautiful weekend AND we might actually buy our own tent for the next trip!

This is a picture that Mike sent me since I had left before John and Kara got there.  Mike borrowed a tent from Jess -- it's the one in the center.  In the far back is a 10 person tent (Josh and Laurie) and then on the left is the Gurchiek tent.  They crack me up.  I think that this was the first time that they used it.

Brushing their teeth at the car.  The twins were in heaven.

Playing ALL. DAY. LONG.

 3. Fiesta
Since I have been going backwards throughout the weekend...I will just keep it up.

On Friday night the twins and I went to their school event, Fiesta.  It didn't start until 6 and we didn't get home until past 9pm so Mike and Jack decided to stay home.  It was great to see my kids be wild and fun and wonderful with other kids.

4. The Thursday BEFORE fiesta.
Thursday I took the morning and volunteered in the classroom, ate lunch with the boys and then hung signs in the hallways for the Fiesta. It was another full day at Forest Glen.  This time my mom joined us for lunch.

I need to document my new favorite classmate of Cameron's -- Katie.

Katie and I always interact when I volunteer (she wanted me to take this picture during art).  During the Fiesta we ran into Katie and we were with her almost the entire night.  She is a ball of fire and absolutely FULL OF LIFE.  I got talking to her dad and she sounds like an true handful and has no care in the world.  At. All.  This would be insanely difficult as a parent.  BUT since I am not her parent--I think her wild ways are inspiring.

Anyways -- I don't know why I felt the need to document this but I did.  She always makes me smile when I am in the classroom and she did all night on Friday. 

5. The normal days

Now that I have reviewed small tidbits of Sunday, Saturday, Friday and even Thursday....here are some pictures of our moments in between.  .....at least moments in between that involve Jack.  (Since he is only one he has to be at my side ALL. THE. TIME.)

He chooses to be on my hip most of the time but for the rare moments that he wants freedom I am always in sight.  

6. The bathroom starts tomorrow
I needed to add some of the before pictures of our master bath.  Be forewarned....it is a bit scary.  We haven't cleaned it in a long time knowing that it will be ripped apart tomorrow.  Yikes--and the burned out light bulb -- we are pretty ghetto.

I must note** Mike can't see himself in the mirror.  Oops. 

7. Dried Mango
I have an obsession with these little sugary gems and today at SAMS Club I could not resist.  I have eaten almost half the bag.  A.MAZ.ING.  ....and yes....this is why I don't lose any weight.

Bath time

1. Iphone pictures

One of the best thing about smart phones is being able to take pictures.  Lots of them.  Yesterday morning I snapped this picture of Cameron while we waited for the bus and then on my timehop this sweet picture of him when he was a baby popped up. 

First, I can't believe how time has moved sooooo quickly.  It's like I blinked (a few times) and now he is huge.  He can actually reach the faucet in the sink -- soon I will have to teach him to do the dishes.

These pictures always make me want to hold Jack just a little bit longer.  

 2. Jack's morning routine
Every morning we throw some probiotic in Jack's bottle and set him in front of the TV.  It's terrible I know -- but somehow it makes our mornings go so much smoother.  Yesterday Cameron was all ready for school so he set up some viewing chairs and they watched Mickey together.  It didn't last long....as you can see in the picture Jack was trying to wiggle his way out.  Regardless, it still makes my heart melt to see the brotherly love.

3. Bath time
Bath time/shower time does not happen often enough for any of our three kids. It's actually a tad embarrassing and huge parent fail.  Next week we will all be using the same bathroom so that will make things even more interesting.  On Sunday night I needed to throw Jack in the bath and of course the twins wanted to play.  With three of them in the bath it is SUPER, insanely crowded and they have an absolute blast. I could not get a good picture of all three boys but here are some of the best I could capture.

4. My husband it pretty wonderful

He is the absolute best.  He is kind, he makes me laugh, and he busts his butt so we are happy.  So. In. Love.

5. Sleep

This morning my alarm went off at 415.  I felt 100%.  That is rare.  I felt rested, happy.  So instead of ruining the feeling by being tired and hungry the rest of the day.  I just laid in bed. I never fell back asleep but I also didn't get up and do chores, work out or drink coffee.  At 545 I got up and had a normal morning.  It was pretty great.

6. Pearlers

My kids are currently obsessed with pearlers.  We worked on them all weekend since it was rainy and cold out.  Soon I will try and post our huge collection. 

Ikea

It has been a long day.  To quote Shelby, "To quote Mitchell, the hours are long and the days are short."  Today I agree --- the hours are really freaking long.  And the day seemed so much longer.   It wasn't a bad day....it actually wasn't a bad day at all....it just seemed to drag on forever.  Mike and Owen went to Ikea to pick up our new vanity so Cameron and Jack stayed behind with me.  Around 430 my parents dropped by with Sawyer and Eloise and we ended up doing dinner. Now -- the house is silent and I don't want to do anything except enjoy.  AND I am really really full from dinner.

1. Cameron plays like a BEAST

This dude (he has started saying dude ALOT) is the best.  He is able to sit and entertain himself for hours.  Literally HOURS.  That is exactly what he did today and it was amazing.  I think that he would prefer to play with friends if he had a choice but he also enjoys his alone time.  His imagination goes wild.  He never says that he is bored and he always finds something to do.  

 2. Jack took a nap
I need to be grateful for something...right?  SBJ was a complete mess this morning when I got home from spin.  Around 1030 we decided to try a nap.   He is now only on 1 nap a day at Amber's so I think he was just exhausted from this week.  He went down easy and slept for about an hour.  That's all he got -- but at least he got something -- right?

This was a quick shot I got of doing bed time tonight.  He had absolutely no interest in sleeping BUT he would smile at the camera.

 3. The dishes
It has been a week of dishes for me BUT my wonderful husband has been helping.  Yup -- you read that correctly -- Mike has been helping with the dishes.  So. Grateful.

4. Diet Coke -- the original reason.
I actually need to change the title of this to "my dad."  This afternoon when I was stuck at home with the boys I was craving a diet coke.  I called my dad to see if they were going out and about tonight.  I quickly realized -- they weren't.  BUT he still offered to bring over a few.  I RARELY drink a diet coke anymore but today it just sounded amazing.  Shout out to the greatest dad around.

5.  Good kids
I know that I am biased and obsessed -- like all parents -- BUT I am super grateful that I have good kids.  Don't get me wrong, they are not perfect...not even close.  Regardless, they are pretty good and they are pretty easy.  We still have lots to work on and lots to teach but I am insanely grateful that I have good kids.

And please...don't take #5 the wrong way...I still think this whole parenting gig is really, really hard.

Last but not least. I saw this quote on instagram and did a quick screen shot.  I really like this quote and I completely agree.

I have been really missing Erin this past week. It weird how all of a sudden you get stuck in the mud again and can't seem to take another step.  It's scary.  And hard.  If I allowed myself I could cry and cry just wishing that I had my best friend back.  It's strange to catch yourself wanting to text.  I feel like it has been so long since I have talked to her yet randomly I will start to actually think she is just on the other end of the phone.  I don't know.  It's hard to put into words.  

What I do know is that it has made me hold onto my 4 boys really tight.  It has made me become diligent about spending quality time together and creating a life that we feel is good, comforting, and happy.  Not just following the status quo.  

I also know that I am constantly waiting for the next call.  For the next shoe to drop.  I am waiting for the next big tragedy and holding on for dear life when it hits.  It's like I am in a constant state of ready.  I am bracing for impact.  It's not a great place to live -- but this state of being makes sure that you LIVE.  I am always thinking that life will change quickly and abruptly at any moment so I try more purposefully to enjoy RIGHT NOW.

Sorry for the ramblings.  Yikes.

Consistent

1.  Lifetime Fitness

what?! Yes.  that is for real....it made the list again.  This has been on my mind for awhile.  I have MISSED my days at Lifetime.  I don't think that I can even express how much I enjoyed dropping the boys off at childcare, going to spin, and then jumping into a shower without the worry of little ones at my feet.  I was in the best shape of my life.  I did yoga on Thursday nights, was able to pound out a TON of adult push ups and I ate whatever I wanted.  It was fabulous.  I know that I will not be in that place again --- at least for awhile.  But for now I can hit up the gym early and I can do something....which is better than nothing.

Side note--I registered Jack too.  Mike and I decided that on the weekends if I took him to the gym with me in the morning that things might go a bit smoother AND I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving.

Therefore, since I took the plunge and now own TWO gym memberships....I got my ass out of bed this morning at 415.  

2. Making choices

Strange thing to put on the list but I have a really hard time making really small decisions.  It is the small decisions that sort of freak me out.  It's the huge life decisions that I make quickly and don't second guess -- it's sort of backwards.  

Anyways, I have been trying to work on making the small decisions quickly and not freak out.  Our new master bathroom has put me to the test.  We are doing everything over in the bathroom and the only thing that we don't have to pick out is a new toilet since we purchased one last year.  We are almost done with choices....only a few more left.

3. Brotherly love

These three boys are obsessed with each other.  Don't get me wrong....Cameron and Owen are starting to bicker back and forth BUT they are still completely obsessed.  One of my favorite things is being able to see the love between these boys.  

Here are some pictures this morning.  Owen always tries to pick up Jack.  Overall it works out pretty well and we have had no major injuries (so far).  Jack was posing for the camera.  

4. Productive morning
I always enjoy going into work at 9am.  I am usually able to bust out a few extra things before I go in and it makes me feel like I actually have my shit together.  This morning since I was up super early AND I don't have to be at work until 9 I have been able to get a lot done.  Here is just a few of the things that we accomplished....a few of the extra things..... I worked out, folded two loads of laundry, did two more loads of sheets, and cleaned a toilet. (yes, just one)  Mike went to Menards to order a window and is now at Lowes picking stuff up for a project tonight.  I also wrote this blog post, the dishes are running.....AND I will have time to sit here and finish Southern Charm....because yes--they have a new season.  And for the ass holes who worry about my grammar and sentence structure.  Get over it.

5.  Mike is a winner
...at least he is consistent.  Make that WE are consistent.  He wins. I lose.

Last week Mike said, "I will make you a deal.  Since your bracket is completely ruined -- if NC wins (which is who I had winning the tournament), then you will win the bet."  Now at this point NC had to still make it to the championship game.  And they did.  BUT they lost last night in a last second shot.  Boooooo.  So I lost again.  And now I have to do the dishes for a full week.  Hence why I am proud that the dishes are running this morning.

Old life stories

Starting from the end....

A lot of wonderful has happened in the past few days.  Once again our home is FULL.  The boys finally came home from Chicago since Spring Break is over and though we were only home for a few hours it felt great.  Mike and I both looked at each other and said, "goodness--it is great to have the boys back -- the house feels complete again."  (Mike used a different set of words but overall it was the same).  

1. Trip to Chesterton

My grandfather has been pretty sick and for awhile there I didn't think that he would pull through.  During my short morning visit we figured out that he is 89!  Yes -- almost 90 years old!!  

So for the past few weeks he was in the hospital and with much guilt on my grandma's heart he is now in rehab in Chesterton. This morning I left first thing and drove straight up to his rehab and made a short visit.  I will admit -- it is super sad to see my grandpa slowly getting older and reaching the end of his life.  Though he still looks good at 89....he is 89.  My grandma is an absolute mess being overwhelmed in grief and worry.  

One thing that I hope stays in my mind forever (which I am sure that it will) is the actual love and tenderness that I can see between my grandparents.  For the past few years my grandpa's short term memory has started to fade.  Today he did pretty well but numerous times he asked for, "my Joycie" or asked where she was or was telling me when she would show up.  He just absolutely adores her.  My grandma...holy moly...she just takes care of that man and dotes on him.  It is so stinking cute.    

I had to leave in the early afternoon so I could grab the twins and head home.  Here are some pictures of my short visit.  And yes -- I think that my grandpa looks like President Bush.

 2. The boys are home
We did not have long to play outside but for the few hours that they were home we had a great time enjoying the sunshine.  The boys LOVE the updates to the playhouse.  They were able to climb up the back and go down the slide over and over and over.  I eventually took Jack into the front to play and was able to clean up some of the mulch beds.  All three boys passed out quickly tonight.  Oh my gosh I am so freaking happy that these boys are home.

 3. MORE CLOTHES
This weekend Kelly dropped off a HUGE bag of clothes for Jack.  Huge. Huge.  I have waaayyy more clothes than I would ever need.  This huge supply also came with a ton of shoes and I am happy to say that he is now wearing his shoes, walking in them, and not taking them off his feet.  It is like he is a real boy.

 4. Hiking at Ft. Ben
Friday afternoon I decided to leave work early so we could go hiking at the Fort.  It was a perfect end to the work week.  SBJ did great.

**My husband just requested that I put something nice about him in the blog soooo I think that I will add it here**

My absolutely amazing husband volunteered to cart Jack around on his back the entire time up and down all of those trails. A few weeks ago we purchased a used backpack off of Facebook and though it works -- it is not one of the fancy ones that have tons of padding.  ANYWAYS -- he didn't complain a bit.  Jack also didn't make a peep...therefore, I was able to have a nice, leisurely stroll.  This is ONE of the wonderful thing about Mike.  He loves to explore, get out of the house, and have fun with me.  We are looking forward to many more hikes as the weather gets warmer and I am super stoked to be spending my days with him.  ....oh....and he looks pretty fabulous.  Some nice looking eye candy.

5. CycleBar -- Santos
On Saturday morning I FINALLY worked out.  It has been waaaayy to long since my last work out and hopefully it has put a fire under my butt to actually get into shape.

Stephanie Santos is now teaching at the new CycleBar at Traders Point and I was able to attend her friends and family class.  I have not seen her for a few years and I wish that we actually had time to catch up.  She would listen to all of my shit show life stories and help me deal with them in the most appropriate way -- going to the bar and getting wasted.

Grateful to be on a bike again and grateful to see my old friend.

Therapy at it's finest.