Change

I am not sure how to begin this post.  So I guess I will start with the end of the day....I am sitting in the dark, drinking tea (it has been a LONG time since I had tea), I have accomplished no goals for the day, and my house is asleep. 

I was supposed to be spending the night at Community South.  My mom was scheduled for an 8 hour surgery with a four day hospital stay.  I had a bag packed, I was up early, and I had tons of computer work to accomplish as I sat in the waiting room.  She was back in pre-op, was finished with her IV antibiotics, had fluid running, and we were all just waiting. ...... And then life changed again.  

A scan that they did back in April was not fully reviewed and this morning her surgeon found what is possibly mets to her bone.  Surgery was canceled.  

My mom got dressed and we immediately headed over to Dr. A's office.  Natalie met us in the lobby -- because she is absolutely amazing -- and we sat down for more talks.  

Tomorrow my mom has more test and then Wednesday we sit down again to set the next plan.  

I feel numb today.  I feel overwhelmed and heavy.  I feel that I don't know what to pick up or do next.  I can't concentrate and I can comprehend the next few days, months, or years ahead.

Life changed again today and again it was blindsiding and it changed quickly.  Even when you think that you are so set on THIS path --- it turns into THAT one.  Sorry that I can't be more insightful.  I find myself just sitting, staring, and tears rolling down my face.  

***I do want to say one thing about my Aunt.  She gives and gives and gives and gives.  She is a wonderful example of someone who gives of herself to help those that she loves.  Grateful for this beautiful example in my life. *****

Vacation

1. A few good moments at the beach.

My personal place of peace, happiness, and calm is enjoying a day at the beach.  We have been looking forward and saving (including the boys) for the beach for two years.  Though we had terrible weather all week we were still able to enjoy a few moments on the beach.  

2. The lighthouse
With insane winds making it cold and miserable on the beach we headed out to the local lighthouse for an adventure.  It was just the five of us and it was a great, small side trip.  At one point in my life I had an obsession with light houses. I have never been up one so I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  The boys also did great.

3. Family Dinners
Every night we all sat down and had dinner.  Mike and I were in charge of one night and we decided to make fish tacos.  It was basically him taking on the task because I was dealing with a sassy pants, Jack.  

I want to note that in the picture below you can see the beach through the windows.  That is how close we were to all of the action.

 4. Bingo and Croquet
This week we played a lot of games.  These were the two ones that we played over and over.  Though the beach was incredible windy, the front yard of the house was surrounded by tall bushes and blocked the wind.  We were able to enjoy nice games in the front AND at the dinning table.

The boys did great reading off and recognizing their numbers.  It was a hit.

 5. The car ride home
We were planning on leaving on Saturday morning at 1am.  That is what we did on the way to OBX so we felt that would work again.  On Friday morning it poured ALL. DAY. LONG.  We decided to pack up early and leave after dinner.  On Thursday evening I was up with Jack for an hour and a half in the middle of the night so we were both pretty miserable on Friday.  Mike packed the entire car in the rain, we both got an hour or so nap in and then after cheeseburgers-- we were off.

The google map projected time was to have us home at 821am.  We arrived at 853!!  Holy hell.  Not only that but it rained the entire trip home until 4am and then it continued to rain on and off.  When we finally got Jack out of the car he had peed through his diaper and was wet from head to toe.  The five of us again beasted out another trip in the car.

**Jack did have an LONG, MISERABLE screaming session for about 20-30 minutes.  Mike was not able to calm him and though we sang and sang and tried to feed him -- he was PISSED.  Eventually, with swollen eyes from all of the crying, he calmed down.  For the following 5 hours he did short sobs in his sleep.

One last thing that I wanted to note .... the twins are amazing brothers to Jack.  When he gets upset they immediately start singing to him.  They try and figure out what is wrong and give him the attention that he needs.  As I sit in the front seat it is so encouraging and heart warming to hear.

Actually, this is the last bit for the night....a recap......

It was a hard vacation.  Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful that we were able to make this trip and go spend time with family, BUT with 3 young boys and a week of terrible weather, it made things a bit more challenging.  We had to get creative.  And with Jack keeping us up all night it was hard to find creativity first thing in the morning.

That being said, this trip forced us to sit down, play games, read books, and be silly together.  I am so grateful that I spent this past week with my boys.  I actually had the time to sit and watch them learn and grow.  Owen's reading skills changed dramatically.  He was able to pick up a book on Thursday without my assistance and read.  Jack learned to crawl and is moving all over the place.  Cameron's math and number skills improved and impressed all week long.  

Mike, my sanity, helped the boys fish, took me on a fabulous date, and finally introduced me to crawfish.  I am extremely lucky and extremely grateful for these men in my life.

we are here

1. We made it to the beach!

It took us 15 hours …most of them were wonderful but a few around lunch time the adults started to melt.  Legit --we have FABULOUS kids in the car.  I am still not excited for the ride home but so grateful for the smooth ride here.

2.  A few days of sun

There is a tropical storm in the atlantic so beach time has been a bit rough.  Grateful that the first few days we were here the boys enjoyed the water.  The surf is much more rough than I am use to but they had a blast.  I think that we will be in a "no swim" lock down for the next few days.

3. The family

I can not say enough about the awesome company that we have this week.  I think that at this exact moment I am most grateful for their help with Jack and the boys.  Because of the crazy winds it has been hard to take Jack and the boys to the beach.  Connie and Jenna have been loving on our sweet little one and taking over.  It has been so great.

4. Date Night -- food crawl -- drive

Last night we did our typical food crawl.  It was so yummy and so nice to be without the boys.  We first stopped to have Crawfish (Mike has been wanting crawfish for 3 years). Then we went to a tapas restaurant and finished with ice cream.  We headed home early for a walk on the beach and a dip in the hot tub.  Jack gave us some trouble at the beginning of the night but he ended up sleeping past 7am!!!  It was so nice to spend some time with Mike.

5.  The ease

We have been able to lounge around on vacation.  Nothing planned.  Nothing on the agenda.  Sometimes that is a bit harder with strong winds, no beach, and 3 boys to keep entertained -- but it is also good for the soul -- to calm down and enjoy just being alive. 

Three more days until the beach

1. The library
Our goal is to read at least 3 books a night -- which means we go through lots of different books in our house.  Glad that I can make a quick trip to the library, fill my bag with books, and read something new every night.

2. Jack slept until 245!!!
For the past week or so Jack has been waking up 3 times a night.  Holy moly this mom is TIRED.  Well last night sweet baby Jack woke up at 245 and I was back in bed by 310.  It was absolutely wonderful.

3. PFO meeting last night
I went to a PFO meeting last night and as it began I rolled my eyes.  I completely forgot that they translate EVERYTHING.  This means that I sit for 90 minutes but only receive 45 minutes of information.  I was exhausted last night.  Exhausted.

I am grateful that I sat through  the meeting.  I learned a lot about the school.  I learned the some of the challenges that my children will face.  I learned some of the challenges that I will face.  I learned to be patient with them as they step off the bus.  I had to sit through 90 minutes of a meeting but Cameron and Owen are taught in Spanish ALL. DAY. LONG.  I can't imagine what type of stress and emotion their brain is going through.

I must say -- I am still weary.  I am still hesitant.  BUT I feel more equipped.

4. Erin
Glad that I had a sister to share so many things with.  Erin and I talked all the time and helped each other get through the craziness of motherhood together.  It is hard with a sudden loss that when things happen that she is not there to share.  Glad I had her here for the years that I did.  Miss her a lot.  Glad that her children are still here to remind me of her craziness.

5. Dates with grandma
This week my mom is taking the boys on individual dates.  Owen went Monday and had a blast.  Tonight Cameron is going and he is beyond the moon with excitement.  

Dark Mornings

1. Neighborhood picnic

We went to our neighborhood picnic for 4 hours on Saturday.  They had two bounce houses, face painting, and silly safari.  It killed a lot of the day, the boys were exhausted, and they had a blast.  

 2. The first soccer game
On Sunday we had our first soccer game.  I must say, soccer is MUCH better than little league.  The kids play 3 on 3 for 5 minutes and then switch.  There are only 6 kids on the team so there is a lot of playing time.

Owen did great.  He was aggressive and ran hard.  He scored a goal for our team AND accidentally for the other team.  (He was trying to defend it -- and it went in).

Cameron also had a great time.  He skipped to the ball and usually let his teammates do the kicking. When my dad said, "Cameron, kick the ball."  He replied, "But I have team mates."

It was beautiful out and we all enjoyed being at the fields.

3. Morning coffee

Last night Jack and I were up A LOT.  As I paced around the house trying to get him to sleep I was looking forward to a fresh pot of Starbucks.  The picture below is Cameron at the bus stop.  He pouted all the way there because Owen is going on a date with grandma tonight and he has to wait until Wednesday.

Note: it is DARK when we leave the house now.  AND it looks like his shirt promotes sex.  winning all the way around.

4. Workout partner

I am thrilled to have Mike as my new work out partner.  It makes life SO.MUCH.EASIER when some of these goals are aligned.  He has really made some awesome commitments and it getting faster and stronger.  We are both pretty competitive so we push each other pretty hard.  I love training with him.

5. Five more sleeps until the beach

I am nervous to take Jack in the LONG ASS car ride but I know that the misery will be well worth the week at the beach.  

The bus

1. Our afternoon yesterday
Yesterday after the boys got off the bus, we had a quick snack, separated rooms and practiced our reading.  Mike worked with Cameron and I worked with Owen.  After that we headed out to the yard and played some two on two soccer.  Around 4 pm the boys and I walked to Amber's and picked up Jack.  When we got back home we ate chili for dinner that was prepped earlier in the week.  Once dinner was finished the boys went over to their art table and piddled around with their writing and coloring pages.  At 530 we headed to soccer practice.  It was a fabulous afternoon and great to spend time with each other.   (I know these posts are boring and mundane but that is what I want to remember in 30 years)

2. Eating Healthy
Owen made the comment yesterday that his gym teacher told the class that they need to make sure to eat healthy.  Owen said, "oatmeal is healthy mom--right?"  I responded that it was and told Owen that almost everything that we eat is healthy.  He agreed. 

3. Writing out names
The twins have started a new obsession of writing down everyone's name in their class.  It is sort of strange.  They take notebook paper and want us to spell out every name....one at a time.  We started making them sound the names out and writing what they think.  Then after every name they come and show me their result.  It's how we roll in our house. 

4. Mouth guard
I grind the hell out of my teeth.  Mike is worse.  I am grateful for my night guard every single night.  I am sure we look like complete fools but at least we don't wake up with headaches and jaw pain.

5. Swear words on the bus
Yesterday the boys told me that all the kids on the bus were saying the B-word BUT they didn't.  I am not sure how much of it is true or not, I am just grateful that my kids still tell me SOMETHING.  I already know they don't tell me everything...especially Cameron.  But I am glad that they tell me something.

6.  My sweet Owen
Along the same lines -- a couple of weeks ago when we were walking home from the bus I was trying to get information out of Cameron.  It wasn't going well.  Owen essentially said to me,  "Don't worry mom, Cameron will tell me."  I questioned Owen a bit more and he said, "I am his brother.  He tells me everything.  I will make sure he is ok.  Right Cameron?"  Cameron never replied and continued to sulk.  Owen said, "no really mom, he will tell me."

It made my heart stop.

Pouting

1. Ballet has started

This was the second week of ballet.  Thankfully it is a bit of a different format. This year I don't dance with Eloise -- I just sit outside the door and watch her dance.  She still loves to look at herself in the mirror and not follow directions.  In the pictures below she was watching herself pout in the mirror and doing different pouting poses.  My mom and I are able to sit and catch up for a full 45 minutes PLUS trips in the car.  Grateful that I am able to share these evenings with the sweet little lady who reminds me SOOOO much of Erin and has a crazy infectious laugh.

2. More TESTS
I am not sure what is going on with my parents.  They are a collective mess.  We have already started to receive some answers on my dad but still waiting for more test results and follow up appointments.  Last night my dad had a short hospital stay so my mom and I stopped by after ballet.  I snapped his picture during our visit.

3. Rosemary Beach
In two weeks we are headed to the Outer-Banks.  It will be strange not heading down to Rosemary.  I have a slight obsession with this place and I am grateful for all the happy memories that I made there.

4. Bike Shoes

I have been wanting to get bike shoes for years.  Ever since I fell in love with spin class at Lifetime, shoes have been on my wish list.  Well last weekend when we purchased the bike -- we also purchased new shoes and pedals.  Yesterday morning before our ride I learned how to clip in and practiced over and over.  That being said -- I am NOT a pro.  Mike and I were at the top of a hill yesterday just standing and talking and I fell.  I was off my bike with one shoe still clipped in and I started falling and just kept falling.  Since I wasn't moving when I started the fall the whole thing happened in very slow motion.  

5. My husband has my back

All I want to say is that my husband takes the role of my protector very seriously.  I am not sure another way to put this into words....  If you mess with me he does not take it lightly. 

That being said -- no one is messing with me.  I don't have any extra drama in my life.  I am just saying -- he is my protector and has my back and for that I am grateful. 

Always Hungry

1. Jack turned 7 months

It is hard to believe how quickly time goes by.  My sweet baby Jack is already 7 months old.  He is starting to crawl and get into EVERYTHING.  He loves playing with his brothers, still has a love/hate relationship with eating, and he doesn't drink his bottles well if there are other things to look at.  He still is not sleeping through the night, does not make a peep on rides in his stroller, and thinks it is hilarious when he gets scared. He makes me happy and keeps me busy.  Yay to surviving another month with sweet baby Jack

2. Pulled pork on the smoker
On Saturday Mike made pulled pork all day AND all night.  He had a lot of fun doing it but he now knows to start these endeavors at 3am....  It was fabulous and will last us for days.

3. My new ride

So this weekend I had a few heart attacks and almost a stroke.  We dipped into our savings account and purchased this new ride.  Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to have a big girl bike but I am also freaking out about the cost.  I am grateful that Mike and I are doing this goal together and looking forward to our ride tomorrow morning.

4. The blog
I frequently go back and read posts from the past.  Even though I cringe at all of the spelling and grammar mistakes I am so grateful that I was able to record some of these memories the past few years.  I don't have much memory of the twins when they were infants.  Even though this blog barely scratches the surface I am glad that I have SOMETHING written down and pictures to go with it.

5. The beach is in less than 2 weeks.

Holy moly I am excited to see the beach!!!!!!

September 2nd

It has been a week since I posted last.  We have done a LOT of fun stuff. 

1. Forest Glen Jammin' on the Lawn

On Friday night we went to the first official event at the school.  I volunteered for a few hours and Mike wrangled the boys.  It was a beautiful night.  I am grateful that the boys are at Forest Glen. 

2. Erin's Birthday Celebration
On Saturday afternoon we celebrated Erin's birthday.  We had Qdoba and released balloons in her honor.  ***A few years ago when Erin and Jess took the kids to Rosemary Cameron lost a balloon and Erin said, "The balloon is going to heaven."  That stuck with my boys and the following years if they every let go of a balloon or saw one flying away they would say, "it's going to heaven." ***

If Erin was watching us that afternoon she would be laughing at the shenanigans of a million kids running around AND crying because she was a sentimental crier.

The best part of the balloon release was Eloise not letting go of her balloon.  She had an Elsa balloon from the movie frozen.  Eventually all the kids started chasing her while singing, "Let it go.

3. MRO reunion
After Erin's house we came back home and I immediately left to go to an MRO reunion.  Mike stayed home with the boys and I was able to enjoy a night out with old friends.  It was beautiful out.  It was great to catch up with everyone.  SOOOOO glad that I decided to leave but grateful that these ladies helped shape that nurse that I am today.

4. The Smoker
On Sunday Mike decided to smoke all day.  ALL DAY.  It turned out fabulous.  My parents came over for dinner AND the neighbors hung out all afternoon and stayed for dinner.  It was an impromptu gathering that was a tad bit stressful.

5. Brothers
I am grateful that they all have each other.