Nap Time

I am surprised that I have enough minutes of Jack's nap to sit down and type.  I am sure this will be short lived so I am going to try and make it short and sweet.  It is becoming harder and harder (yes Mike--that's what she said) to sit down and write.  Right now Mike is at the rocket launch with the twins and Boy Scouts so I have the entire, peaceful house to myself.  

1. A great night

Last night we decided to make a fire, roast hot dogs and then finish the evening with smores.  After the boys went to bed Mike and I stayed out by the fire for another hour and spend time with each other.  It was one of those nights that went pretty smoothly.  One of the nights that most of your parenting dreams are based from.  

And please note that Owen and Jack are wearing the same shirt.  Yes this was planned and Owen was SO proud.

2.  Fresh flowers
This week Mike and the twins dropped off flowers to my office.  They made it smell AMAZING.  The bouquet was beautiful.  These flowers are just a tiny symbol of all the love that Mike showers on me.  He is the best.

3. Lunch OUT
These week I was able to go out to eat twice.  It was pretty fabulous.  On Thursday I went out with my mom and then Friday I went out with Steph.  I must admit --I am pretty lucky -- and Mike keeps rubbing it in my face.

4. A few more days of Cancer Free
At this moment we are having a pretty big Cancer scare with my mom.  Right now, and for the next few days, we are not 100%.  She is having more testing and she sees Dr. A on Tuesday.  Hmmm.  I am not sure how to type it into words.  Basically, I am happy that right now we don't know for 100% what is going on.  Right now we still have a little bit of ignorance.  And trust me, that little, minuscule bit of ignorance can go a long way.

5.  NAP TIME
What?!  Jack has been down for 2 and a half hours.  This NEVER happens.  The boys have been gone the entire time.  I guess I should go fold my last load of laundry but sitting here just seems so much better.

Grateful for a wonderful nap time.

too much stuff

Wow it has been a whirlwind of a few weeks.  Lots of thing happening in household but the most important is THE TWINS TURNED 7.  I am going to be honest, this is the first year that I didn't feel like the parents should have their own, personal celebration.  As I have commented over and over I am a firm believer that birthdays should be for the parents.  It's a celebration of all the hard work put into the past year.  Though the work is still extremely hard -- I will admit that it is getting SO. MUCH. BETTER.  Now that I have stated that little side note -- let's get started.

1. Archery Birthday Party

This year we decided to have a small group join the boys for archery in Noblesville.  They all had a blast.  We decided to do archery because it was something different and something that the boys love.  Cameron woke up in full blown sickness mode that morning but as you know...that doesn't stop him!  After the party the Abel kids stayed for our monthly slumber party and we actually ordered pizza!!  It was a great day and the best birthday in the books so far! (besides the incessant coughing & fever)

Cameron was shooting the new bow that the boys received for their birthday!

 2. No one is coughing in my ear
Right now as I type this short post.....there is NO ONE coughing in my ear.  Holy hell -- these boys (especially the twins) DO. NOT. STOP. COUGHING.  I get it -- I should be more empathetic (and I try).  Last night I even took both of the twins to the walk in clinic.  But the coughing....the coughing is non stop.  Like literally, non stop.  I have started giving them two breathing treatments at once -- so they stop coughing and BREATHE.

So -- that is that.  That should probably be #1, 2, 3, 4 AND 5.

Damn, this child is the BOMB.  And yes, he added a part to the breathing treatment.  So. Stinking. Cute.

Though Jack is MUCH better than last week (when we were at the ED) he is still trying to fully recover.

The twins at the walk in clinic all up in someone's personal space.  Clearly -- parenting at it's finest since I am sitting far away and taking a picture -- doing nothing.

 3.  The village
On Wednesday morning Jack went to the doctor that morning and was diagnosed with pneumonia.  I guess that as the day went on he progressively got worse.  When I got home that evening he was an absolute mess.  At first I thought he was just tired -- but eventually I figured out that he was lethargic from not breathing well and that he was going down hill quickly.  Over the phone Kara helped me to triage him and then Mandy came over to help give me some more guidance.  I eventually took him to the ED.  Though I was dragging my heels...at the same time, I didn't want to be missing something and have him get worse as the night progressed.  Once we fully checked into the ED a flip switched.  He pepped up and started breathing normally.  Basically my 1 year old played me to the tune of a few hundred dollars with an ED bill.  Awesome.

4.  I was not Cameron's bus driver today
I think that I should probably buy the bus driver some donuts, Starbucks or basically something fabulous.  This morning -- Cameron puked EVERYWHERE on the bus.  When Mike picked him up from school he was in a completely new outfit, including new shoes.  When Cameron tells the story it sounds absolutely miserable for the adult in charge.  SO SO SO grateful that I was not the adult in charge.  I really hate puke.

**For those of you keeping track (which I know it is HUNDREDS) he is the third child in three weeks to stay home from school/daycare because he was sick.  I started my job three weeks ago.  So basically it has been a BITCH of a three weeks for our house.**

5.  Box Cakes
I think that $1.25 box cakes along with the $1.25 frosting is soooooo worth the money.  People who spend a gazzillion dollars on store bought cakes need to get a grip.  I think that they are A.MAZ.ING.  I legit have an obsession.  I have actually made entire cakes just to take a few bites and then throw the rest away.  (Hello -- it is just too many calories and way over-indulgence to eat an entire cake by myself.)

ogle

1. Weekend with Kelly & Andy

On Friday night Mike, Jack and I packed into the car and headed to South Bend.  This was my first time meeting Andy and I was stoked.  First--he is absolutely fabulous and they are GREAT hosts.  On Saturday afternoon Greg dropped the twins off and we all continued to play.  This short get away was exactly what I needed.  Once I walked in their door I could literally feel the stress and anxiety from my new role shed away.  A few of my favorite times happened without the kids.  Friday night Kelly and stayed up late out by the fire talking for hours.  I might of had 3 hours of sleep before the boys left to hunt and then Jack woke up by default.  During the long nap time the kids had on Saturday we played bocce ball and euchre.  Such a great 24 hours!

I was getting the stroller out of my car and Jack hurried in to test out the back.  He even found some headphones to try.

 2. Soccer Picture
This week I finally took a decent picture of Owen playing soccer with my iPhone.  We haven't pulled out our camera in ages so I am pretty happy that I have at least ONE of this year.

3. Celia is my office decorator
My office, though fairly large, is underwhelming.  Celia took it upon herself to shop for me this weekend and purchased a TON of accessories to spruce things up a bit.  I would not say that I am finally getting settled -- at this point I am not sure when I will feel "settled."  I still give myself lots of pep talks and slowly I am getting stuff checked off my "to-do" list.

4. Jack is asleep
I am grateful that SBJ feel quickly asleep this evening BUT I am sad to say it's because he isn't feeling well.  He has been running temps, has a dry cough and a runny nose.  We might try to take him to the walk in clinic to double check his ears and lungs in the morning.  He is breaking my heart walking around all miserable.

5. Rouzer
No interest in doing this life without Mike.

Making time to post

1. I started my new job 

oh. my. gosh.

I think that it is safe to say that I jumped in over my head.  I have been giving myself plenty of pep talks and making multiple game plans but ..... it's a lot.  

I am still excited to keep learning and growing. I know that I am not going to learn everything over night.  I have a lot to learn and I think overall that this was the right change for me.  

Also, after 3 days on the job, I now feel happy that I will be on the night/evening shift.  I won't want to be there forever but I think that it will be slow enough to help me build a solid foundation.

2. Owen feels better

On Monday night around 1130pm, Owen came into our room because he didn't feel well.  He immediately began to puke (don't worry -- I directed him to the bathroom).  He then proceeded to get sick every 30-40 minutes Monday night so the two of us camped out on the couch and watched a movie.  The next morning Mike and I headed off to work and my dad watched him for a few hours.  Mike graciously ended his day early and worked from home the rest of the afternoon.  Grateful he isn't puking anymore and feels much better.

3. Ruth's Chris
Last night Mike and I finally went out to celebrate my new position.  I have been wanting to go the new Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.  It has been open for over a year but we have never wanted to spend the money.  Last night it was great to sit down and enjoy AMAZING food with Rouzer.  We sat at the bar and ordered food like we had never eaten before.  It was fabulous.  Obviously we love to people watch and our shared order did not disappoint.

4. I learned to smoke meat -- sort of
This weekend was a little bit of a mess.  Mike felt miserable when he woke up on Saturday so our schedule ended up a bit screwy.  I ended up having to smoke the meat on Sunday while Mike was working for most of the day.  It didn't go well.  At one point he even came home to restart the fire.  Eventually Luke came over to keep an eye on things and continue to teach me how this whole thing works.  It is very clear that all of the grills at our estate need to be thrown in the trash.  (Yes -- I refereed to our house as an estate.)

I was supposed to keep the temp at 225.  Clearly it was going well.

 5. Bike ride with Cameron
On Monday evening Cameron and I took a short ride to the "fish bridge."  This is when Owen probably started to feel under the weather because he decided to stay home (which is odd).  It was so nice to spend some one on one with him.  He makes the best faces, says the silliest things and always always makes me laugh.

Dead to us now

1. The last hurrah 

Five long weeks after putting in my notice, I finally completed my last day at CRCC.  My job has frequently made appearances on this blog in the past three years because my job at the Cancer Center has been absolutely wonderful.  It's hard for me to put into words how grateful that I am that I was working here when life happened.  To say that I am going to miss my friends, coworkers, patients....that would be an understatement.  My life literally changed with these ladies by my side.    Knowing that I could come to work and life would be easy for a few hours -- made life a bit easier.  This probably doesn't make sense to most.  I worked at one of the most emotionally taxing places possible -- but still having great coworkers and friends by your side -- the hours are fun, easy and the most part they are enjoyable.  I would not hesitate to go back to CRCC-E and work there again. I am excited and nervous for my new job on Monday but oh so grateful for the support and love from my friends.

2. The after party
After a great day at work a few of us headed over to Shelby's for dinner and drinks.  I am going to miss sitting down with these ladies on a daily basis.  It will be strange to "catch up" on life at an arranged get together.  Happy that we were able to spend a few extra hours celebrating Friday night!

3. Grateful patients
The past few weeks I have started to tell most of the patients that I was leaving so Friday was filled with good-byes and well wishes.  It was a day filled with people telling me how much they loved working with me and that they were grateful that I was their nurse.  It was heartwarming and extremely appreciated.  It is the kind of nursing that new, baby nurses dream about.  I will admit, going to a job without much direct patient care and without long term relationships is going to be STRANGE.  I am not sure how my soul will do without this piece of nursing that I love.  Grateful to the hundreds of patients who have changed my life these past few years.

4. JH
So I decided that I needed to tell a quick story.  This is ONE example about how the patients that I served at East are top notch AND continually teach me to be a better me.

I was at work when Dr. Goulet came down to notify me of my mother's pathology.  He pulled me into a room and gave me the update.  That was a hard day.

One of our new patient's (who got treated every day) noticed that I was a bit off.  She knew of my mom's surgery and that we were waiting on news.  From that day on she SHOWED more love on me than I could even imagine.  A few weeks later when my sister was in an accident and at Methodist JH found out (because at CRCC-E we are family).  She decided that night to come to the hospital with her hands filled with pizza and she just wanted to pray with us and for us.  When Erin passed away JH and her family (along with a few other patients) came to the viewing and funeral.  She gave both my mom and I tokens of love.  My sister was even buried in a breast cancer bracelet that she made for all three of us ladies.

JH went out of her way -- above and beyond -- to show me love.  She 100% changed the way that I try and love on people and BE THERE for them.  How to truly care for others.  Sadly,  JH passed away within 2 months of Erin.  She did all of this for us -- when she was dying.

 
5. Taylor's Bakery & Moes
My last day at work consisted lots of calories.  I stopped at Taylor's in the morning to bring donuts for the team and then Tracey requested Moe's for lunch since I have an obsession with Nacho's and queso.  It did not disappoint.

6. Nervous, Excited, anxious....all the feels
I have started getting lots of emails for my new position.  It's making me both excited and anxious.  I am really ready to start learning something new but the evening/night shift is starting to make me pretty anxious at the same time.  This new journey is going to be an interesting one!!

Popcorn

1. I finally got out of bed

I didn't sleep well last night.  At. All.  Mike has been sick the past few days and though yesterday he was feeling MUCH better he probably should of taken more meds last night.  For hours he was coughing, tossing and turning.  At 230 I suggested he take some benadryl and almost immediately he stopped coughing and was asleep. I on the other hand continued to toss, turn and ache until 4am when I finally got out of bed to start the day.  I see a nap in my future and that makes me happy.

2. Boyscout popcorn is GONE

I completely get why people do not want to sell stuff with their kids.  

That being said -- we will probably have a bigger goal next year.  This year our family goal was to sell $1000.  This would cover both activity fees AND give the boys a little bit extra that they would be able to put towards camp.  I have not calculated the total sales but our family is officially done selling popcorn.  Mike took the boys out last night and they made bank!

Some wins: **This is way outside of Cameron's comfort zone and he tackled it like a champ.  **We don't have to pay the activity fee. **Boy Scout popcorn is delicious! 

3. Halloween decorations are out
We pulled down the boxes of Halloween decorations last night and the twins loved putting everything out around the house.  Both Mike and I enjoy our halloween dish ware the best.  We love the pumpkin glasses and eating off the halloween plates.  Strange but true.

4. AMAZING weather
The past few nights have been absolutely amazing out.  I have gone on lots of walks with Jack and Nash and these evenings could not be anymore perfect.

5. Flights booked
This week I booked flights to go see the littlest Rouzer in December.  Lauren is due 11/11 so hopefully she goes a little late and then we can hold our sweet niece when she is a tiny baby.  I used our travel rewards so the flight ended up being free.  That's pretty awesome in my book!

Some FAILS -- lots of ramblings

I absolutely love my format of this blog -- I think that when I sit down to write it helps me to regroup, refocus, and continue to be positive.  That being said, a lot of my life doesn't hit the blog.  I try to write some of my failures into these five highlights but usually the messy stays at the sideline.  And goodness knows, I carry a lot of messy.  

So tonight, I am going to try and highlight some of the FAIL that is happening -- yet obviously put it into the format of the things that make me happy.

1. I am OFF Facebook. 

Yup -- I am officially off Facebook and I have absolutely no plan to get back on.  Right now my news feed is filled to the brim of people trying to sell me something.  It's boring, underwhelming and a complete waste of my time.  It is odd, embarrassing and miserable that I am able to look at Facebook ALL. THE. TIME. with absolutely NOTHING going on.  I find myself being noisy, comparing my life to others and trying to show off.  I am grateful that Facebook is out of my life.  

2. Jack didn't watch Mickey Mouse tonight

So a few months ago Mike started letting Jack watch Mickey Mouse.  I would be surprised if this didn't make the blog at the time.  It all started innocently with a desire to get us to Disney (Yes--I created a conspiracy theory) -- and immediately he was hooked.  Anyways, fast forward a few months later and here we are ...our 19 month old can sit and watch TV for HOURS if we let him.  And I would say a safe bet is that we have probably let him.  Holy hell this is embarrassing to type out but it's the truth.  Mickey Mouse is sort of like my own personal crack.  I am able to turn the TV on and get shit done. Or get nothing done.  I am able to just rest and breathe.  Now -- all of these words can be conflicting -- I completely agree with resting/breathing/surviving life -- BUT I have used the TV as a terrible crutch to parent my child.  With Jack I feel like I am sort of on the fail side of parenting.  

Tonight --- I would not let him watch Mickey.  Though he still refused to eat dinner (and I am sure he went to bed starving) -- we did all of the things that I love about being his mom.  We read books, played outside, and took walks with Nash.  Grateful that I am kicking this addiction in the ass.  ******Tomorrow morning he will be watching Mickey -- but only one episode -- I don't think the rest of the house can deal with his screaming at 6 am.*****

3.  I know that working out makes you feel SO.MUCH.BETTER

I know this because this used to be part of ME.  It isn't so much anymore....at all. I am grateful that I absolutely, 100% know this truth. I am completely failing at this in my life right now and I have been failing at this for a few years.  I hope to somehow get back into the routine of things when I start my new job.  

Ok....so that's enough for now.  See...it doesn't even feel right to highlight the bad.  It's there -- of course it's there.  We all have our demons and we all have our hiccups.  I think in order to be successful in life it's necessary to focus on the good -- to highlight the accomplishments.  Defeats are going to happen, and misery at times will get the best of us at times.  I am a strong believer, especially in the past two years, in resilience.  And the benefit and importance of this trait.  I believe that resilience is built on daily positivity and grace. - how we live life every single day that matters.  

**I need to say -- nothing dramatic has happened.  Nothing at all.  I think that it is just important to write out to my kids who might one day be reading this journal -- BE POSITIVE.  Look at the good in things, look at the good in people, expect the positive outcome, and create your life to be  WONDERFUL to live in.  

Lots of hours in pajamas

1. A weekend with the boys. Minus Mike.

Mike has had a big weekend.  On Friday night he went to see Joe Rogan with Rob in Columbus and then stayed to try out his hand at hunting.  I am not accurately able to explain how big this is.  On Friday morning I was walking around with the biggest smile knowing how the next 72 hours would unfold for him

As I am writing this out he still hasn't even seen a deer.  Though this would put him over the moon, I know he is still in heaven visiting family, hanging out in the woods, meditating in the trees, seeing Joe Rogan in the flesh ...the list goes on.  I wish I was able to be with him to watch the joy on his face. 

That all being said, I have been able to spend my hours just hanging with the boys.  I have been in pajamas for over 24 hours now and have no interest in leaving the house until Owen's game this afternoon.  Cheers to the weekend!

2. The note

When I got home from work Friday night I quickly jumped into the shower to get ready for "men-less martini night."  When I got out I noticed how Mike set the bed before he left.  He laid out my favorite pajamas and wrote the sweetest note -- of course, reminding me to be safe.  It's the small things, it's the big things, it's everything.  I love being married to Mike.  

3. Friday Night
Since Mike was out of town for his big weekend, my dad got the boys off the bus and then ended up staying the evening so I could go to hang with the girls for a few hours.  Jenna was in town from California so even though we just all got together last month it was great to do it again.  A few martinis and lots of laughs always makes the soul feel a little bit better.

4. The learning is out of this world
Owen -- he wants me to write out math problems every night so he can practice his math skills.  (what?! -- this is actually something I did as a kid too.....)
Jack -- I just taught him to find and bring me the remote so I can start a new episode of Mickey Mouse and I didn't have to get up.  (yes -- this is NOT something to brag about)
Cameron -- things come naturally....possibly.  When he speaks spanish it's absolutely beautiful.  He doesn't like to do anything extra and sort of lets everything just come naturally. (hopefully this plays out well.)

5. Bare cabinets
I am not actually grateful that I don't have food in my house.  Let's be honest -- I wish someone would plan on the meals, go to the store, pay for my groceries, and put everything away. BUT I have almost successfully eaten everything in the house.  I am out of almost EVERYTHING.  Though that sounds like a huge grocery bill coming up -- it also means that we are not wasting much and that I didn't have to leave the house yesterday.

Those eyes melt my heart.