I write the blog out in my mind ALL DAY LONG. I look at the day and think about what I want to write - both good and bad. It's eloquent and spell checked. I have so much to say in my head about who I am and where I am. Not physically, but mentally. Like a personal journal. But then when I sit down to write I remember that this isn't personal. It's public. And though my current reader base only consists of Mike it is still a little frightening to be fully authentic.
I am going to share some stuff right now that normally doesn't make the blog. In the past month or so I have come to the realization that both of my parents will very likely pass away within the next two years. I am being generous with 2 years and anticipate that it will be shorter BUT who knows...right? So once my parents both die, and my sister has passed away ...I will be the only one left. When I was talking to my grandma about this she said, "yeah and I am old and going to die quickly after." It's a strange thought to toss around in your head. For those of you who think that I am being dramatic - at our vacation last week - all of my extended family agreed with me.
Usually I am in a continual state of YOLO. Continual. It makes you a terrible home owner when pulling weeds and washing windows doesn't make your daily YOLO list..... I am diverging.... But I have started to distance myself from my parents. I call it boundaries. In full transparency, in the past two weeks I have been full of anger and completely void of patience. It has been extremely difficult to watch them slowly die - and at times - quickly. To repeat the same instructions over and over and OVER is hard. And then, after all that time, when my mom still takes a pain pill instead of the pump it literally makes me lose my mind.
In complete transparency, it has been nice to have boundaries. To not call every day or go to every appointment like I have done in the past. It has given me the mental break that I have needed to handle the shit that is about to hit the fan. I haven't been myself. Not even close. I eat too much candy, drink too much beer, binge watch Netflix and stay inside my own head longing for a different path.
Today, I have decided to move forward with patience, grace and hope that these next few months are not completely miserable but instead I am able to enjoy the time and understand that though my parents are completely different than they were 5 or 6 years ago - they are still my parents and they still need my support. (Wow - that was a long, run on sentence. See - those things don't happen in my head.)
1. First week at my new job is OVER
oh holy hell do I hate orientation. HATE. It has been no different at Eskenazi. Next week I have a lot more on my calendar so I am hopeful that things will start to turn around.
2. My car is getting detailed
WHAT?!!! I have been wanting to do this for over a year. Every time I receive money (yes, we are so freaking lucky to get gifts from Mike's family for our bday, mother's day, and Christmas) I want to get my car detailed. It is happening today and I am PUMPED to not have a smelly car that is filled with dog hair and grossness.
3. Pulled weeds
As I mentioned before Mike and I both agree that we are TERRIBLE home owners. There is a bank, near the garage, of flowers and plants from the homeowner before me that was filled with weeds. Like three foot weeds. Not judge. We suck. So I finally pulled the large weeds from that spot because they bother me every time I pull into the driveway. I still left all the short weeds because holy hell that is a task BUT large weeds/trees are gone.
4. These videos
I have watched and shared these videos more than once. They make me laugh so hard.
Please enjoy. And if you don't laugh - you are so lame.
5. Chill 4th of July
This July 4th the twins were in Chicago and Mike was in Charlotte with Jack. I decided to head up and see my grandma in Valpo and then have an amazingly chill night at home with Nash. It was a little lonely but at the same time absolutely wonderful to not have responsibilities.
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