No 5 tonight

A photo diary of a few bits of the week….

 I have started to become obsessed with egg salad.  I add arugula and avocado.  I don't know how someone can not love this.  I make a lot and eat a lot.  Yesterday Mike came home for lunch but today I ate by myself and sent him a picture so he could act like we were on a date.  

We had a great 5 year check up today.  I am super proud of these two and they didn't cry when they had to get two shots!!  Holy smokes…..  They had tears in their eyes but fought them back.  My children are beasts! 

 This was in the waiting room at the doctor appointment.  We had a 730 appointment so we were the only ones in the waiting room.  This is how the boys decided to watch TV.  Strange.

 Owen loves to run and he is super fast so he likes it even more.  There is a full size football field at the park that we play at.  If you look closely you can see Owen running to the goal post.  He ran down, around the goal post and back in 90 seconds.  He is so stinking cute and so competitive.  

 On Tuesday night we went out to dinner.  This is a RARE RARE occurrence.  We haven't gone out to dinner in close to a year with just the four of us.  Clearly the picture is of Mike, Owen and a fried pickle.  The boys were great and it was a perfect night.  

I have started going to dance class with Eloise and my mom on Monday nights.  It is a mommy and me dance class where the moms participate.  The room is essentially wall to wall mirrors.  It is sort of horrific to be honest to be forced to see yourself from every angle but I get to spend time with this sweet girl which is very important.

The past few days have been rough though as you can see from our pictures it has been a pretty good week overall.  As I sit here Jack is kicking me like crazy. The boys are in bed and asleep and it's 8pm.  All week they have been asleep by 745.  But in the thick of my heart it has been rough.  My soul feels heavy and my courage is nonexistent.  The only word that I can use to describe it is "frustrating." Besides that I have no more words.  The emptiness that we have in our family after Erin has left is unbearable to think about at times.  The mom that her two sweet ones experienced on a day to day basis is gone.  And that is sad.  I think my heart is so heavy for them.  That they have this loss.  That they miss the hugs the cuddles and the sweet songs that only a mom can hold in her heart.  That every night I read my boys stories, tuck them in and do kisses….they don't get that from their mom.  In the morning when we wake up at the break of dawn I hold them and just sit there and hold them.  They don't get that from their mom.  And Jess, he is wonderful, but I can't imagine how much he is hurting.  He is exhausted, worn down, emotionally & physically drained and just trying to make it to the next day.  It is just sad.  It's all just really sad.  And I really miss Erin.  I miss my best friend and my sister.